Anxiety

Here we have my flower bowl and if it survives its first firing, I think I will have a good time glazing it. Although I know less than a micro-dose about glazing. There's glazing and underglazing and underglazing transfers and so much more. SO MUCH MORE! You can dip your pieces in glaze or you can paint it on. You can do anything. 
Well, theoretically. 
Here's what the bowls on the how-to video I watched looked like when they had been decorated and fired by the woman who does the video. 

Trust me when I say my bowl is not going to look like either of those. So far everything I've glazed has been done in a red-hot hurry, trying to get them ready for the kiln at the last possible moment. And it shows. And then there's always the possibility that the piece won't make it through the firing process. Cracking does happen. 

I was so anxious before class. I've been anxious the last few days. Just unexplained constant anxiety and I do not like this. When I'm going through this, even the smallest things and even mere thoughts cause me anxiety. Anxiety, like its evil twin, depression, can take away all pleasure in life or at least more of it than I'm willing to voluntarily give up. Logic has nothing to do with this sort of anxiety and it's like a lint roller, picking up and removing all of the sweetness in life. It's the Chicken Little phenomenon. The sky is always falling. And even though I know it's not, my gut tells me it is and if it's not falling right this second, it will be soon. I sure as shit hope this goes away quickly. But yes, I was anxious before class and I was anxious in class and I am anxious right this second. This is not the unbearable type of anxiety and thank all the gods for that. It's just very uncomfortable but at least I know what it is. 

After pottery Jessie and I met Lily and Lauren and Mr. Moon at the Wharf for lunch and that was a good time. My emotions stabilized for a few moments and I was able to laugh with my kids and I know they understand. I don't think Mr. Moon does, not really, but he has a clue after all these years with me and he has actually gone through some periods of anxiety in his life too. 

I think he's going through one right this second. Floyd came over to discuss things like the priorities we have when it comes to repairs and painting and so forth as well as estimates of what all of this may cost. The windows being replaced alone is going to cost a fortune. That's just the way it is. You cannot believe how much one window and its installation costs. And that won't even be Floyd's work. Well, possibly the installation will be although he said it would probably be cheaper to have a window company do it. 
I like his honesty. 
In Florida you have to buy impact resistant windows or you can't get a work permit. Hurricanes, you know. And this does make sense. But it only adds to the overall cost. And Lord, we have a lot of windows in this house. 
Oh god. So I know Glen's going through Floyd's figures right this second with a pen in his hand to make notes of all the questions he has. That's just the way he is. 

And this is why Mr. Moon did not want to buy this house in the first place and which he only did because I so desperately wanted it. And I did so desperately want it and I do so desperately love it. 

Hank and Rachel are not having an easy time of it with this strain of Covid. I have discovered that in Florida, because Florida has a fucked up and cruel and ignorant governor, unless you're over 65 you will need a prescription to get the vaccine and even if you ARE over 65, it won't be available until after September 18th unless you get a prescription at which point you can get the shot at CVS. Not Publix, though. I think you can drive to Georgia and go to a Publix there and get it. I want the damn vaccine and I want it now. But I suppose we can wait another eight days. I hear that half the staff at Dr. Zorn's office is out with the virus and Jessie says many nurses are out because of having it. And from what I hear, this is quite different from the strain Glen and I had last year which was so very mild. 

I just wonder how many people are going to die if we get another new virus like Covid or a more deadly strain of that, under our current Secretary of Health. Not just because the vaccine will not be available to all but because the CDC has been so decimated that the odds of a vaccine being developed in time to prevent those deaths will be seriously low. 

God. No wonder I'm anxious. If I wasn't, there would be something wrong with me. 

I have GOT to go make supper. 

Love...Ms. Moon