Saturday, September 8, 2007

One Week's Life Lessons


This is what I've learned this week so far ( and it's only Saturday!):

I love the empty nest so much it's almost embarrassing. Why did it take me so long to raise these young'uns up?

Places that sell wedding dresses are a world unto themselves and they all have a riser for the bride-to-be to stand on with mirrors all around them to that they will feel like a queen when they are trying on the dresses AND that when they put that veil on the magic is complete. Also, that for some reason, the veil can cost almost as much as the dress. Throw in a tiara, and it does. Let us not discuss shoes, jewelry and so forth.

Even the daughters of old hippie mothers sometimes want to have Cinderella weddings, which completely confuses and baffles the old hippie mothers who may have gotten married in a skirt made of a pair of men's Levis back in the days when dinosaurs ruled the earth.

They aren't kidding when they tell you it works best if you write every day.

For some reason it is more important that the septic drains be cleared at the house on Dog Island than it is for the roof to be fixed on the house where I live. This fact was proven to me when the husband took off for the island this morning dragging the boat behind him, leaving me here with a leaky roof. And what's the deal with those fishing poles, honey?

The combination of exhaustion from watching a daughter try on wedding dresses and too much to drink does not lead to gourmet cooking.

Friends who really love you will not complain or criticize you when you do not present them with gourmet cooking after having too much to drink while being exhausted.

Husbands who really love you will wash the dishes after you overcooked the beautiful flounder they caught, due to exhaustion and having too much to drink.

I can make really good sourdough bread, even if I'm exhausted and have had too much to drink.

I love life the most when I eat right, exercise regularly, write every day, don't have too much to drink, and don't leave Jefferson County.

It is possible for a child to be too honest with her mother. For example, telling her mother that yes, she IS too old to be playing the part of Yvonne in the upcoming production of Casablanca, and that's just the truth.

The Marseillaise is a song that will stick in your head like peanut butter to the roof of a dog's mouth.

It is a glorious thing when the oppressively hot days of August give way to the cooler days of September and you can feel the breath of fall all the way from Canada where it is waiting for its cue to start moving down.

When you somehow manage to cram a chest of drawers into the back of a Mini Cooper and it leaves just a few tiny brown marks on the car's interior, your husband may not congratulate you on your ingenuity.

Magic eraser really IS magic!

Sometimes when a teenager doesn't talk to her mother for almost an entire year, it is not because she doesn't love her mother. It is because she has gotten her tongue pierced and doesn't want her mother to notice this.

When those teenagers grow up, they sometimes tell you things like this when you take them shopping for wedding dresses.

Somehow it looks better to wear a wedding dress that displays your tattoos prominently that to wear one that sort-of but not really hides them.

Girls who get tattoos still sometimes want wedding dresses that look like something from a Disney movie.

Same as above for girls who get their tongues pierced.

Sleeping with two dogs on the bed is not as much fun as you might think.

I would rather be at home on my porch watching the bird feeder than almost anywhere else on earth.

There are some mighty fine people out there in the Tallahassee blogger's world.

And one more thing I've just learned:

Don't do a google-image search for "tattooed bride" with safe search off before your first cup of coffee.

7 comments:

  1. Ms. M,

    I just loved this post! You never fail to entertain.

    The Marseillaise is a song that will stick in your head like peanut butter to the roof of a dog's mouth.

    Yes, it is. And so is this song right here, too. I plant it in my boss/friend's head regularly.

    BFF,
    Miss T

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  2. Yes, that song does get stuck in your head and won't leave. And I don't think you're too old for the role of Yvonne. You're doing just fine with it. See you at rehearsal!

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  3. Okay, Miss T. You should put a warning on that link. Listening to that song is like wiping your greasy hands on your jeans- that stain is NOT coming out.

    And Jon- hell, it's called "acting" and "make-up." Right?
    Yep, see you this evening.

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  4. Oh, mama, you are one funny woman.

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  5. Dear Son- We are one funny family.

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  6. I'm still laughing out loud. Damn, you are so funny! Tattooed Bride! LOL!

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  7. Oh and she is going to be a BEAUTIFUL tattoed bride.
    I'm still laughing over the fact that she didn't talk to me for over a year so I wouldn't see her tongue piercing. That child put me through so much, yet now she's the sweetest thing you could imagine. Just goes to show, right?

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