Just...Take A Breath

I decided to do a check of the camellia buds in the front yard today but before I did, something on the white camellia bush growing at the southeast corner of the front porch caught my eye. 

See it? 

I am thrilled. The first camellia japonica to bloom this season. And it is beautiful. 
There are more buds on different plants showing color. I took this picture and yes, perhaps that bud is blushing. 

It looks a little nipply, doesn't it? In a very lovely way. You can actually see the petals on their way to unfolding. 
Every year I apologize for how many pictures I post of the camellias. 
This year, though, I think I will unashamedly and unapologetically post as many as I think are worth posting because if we don't need camellias now, when will we ever? Let's wallow in all the beauty we can. Let's roll in it, inhale it, kiss it, love it and hold it close. Let's stop and notice every interesting shadow cast, every window that has sun shining through it making glory.

Let's notice every new leaf, every genuine smile, every heartfelt hug, every hand we're privileged to hold.
Let's look up to see winter's bare limbs against the sky, clouds, stars, and the moon. Let us stop to admire and appreciate the things we love but see so often we've forgotten to look. 
Let us truly stop and listen to the chirp and trill and chip and staccato hammering of the birds around us. Their calls, their songs, their cries, and whistles, according to their kind. 
Let us reread the books which have brought us pleasure in the past and which could bring us pleasure again and books we've never read before which can open up different worlds and thoughts and knowledge to us. Let us listen to the music we love and which may have saved us before or made us want to dance or allowed us to cry when we needed to or filled our entire soul until it soared, as nothing but music can do. Let us flirt with babies at the store, let us tell their mothers how beautiful those babies are. You will be telling the truth. All babies are beautiful, especially to their mothers. 
Let us see the beauty in the things we do and create whether a poem or a garden or a soup or a feeling of peace in our homes or a potholder or a watercolor or a clean sink. 
Let us look into the face of a loved one with enough attention and intention to see the beauty there.

Let's try these things, okay? And of course I am speaking to myself here. I flat out do not feel well today. No energy at all, regular pains and aches magnified as if by fever although I have no fever. But that one white camellia, that one pink bloom about to unfurl, have given me a tiny sliver of hope and my god, isn't that what we all need so badly now? And we're not going to get it from the news or social media. I know that nothing I've said here is going to really make anyone's life less stressful. It is not going to cure anyone's depression. It is not going to ease a burden or give anyone the strength to carry on but every second of the day we do NOT spend on reading, thinking, talking about...all those things...is a second of relief from it all and just that tiny mote of a bit of something that is positive, that is light-filled, that is not fearful and painful is not nothing. 
It is something. I swear to you, it is. 

Just a thought. 

Sleep well. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Adaptation In So Many Ways

Here is what my garden sink's cabinet looks like after Mr. Moon painted it today. I love it so much! We are both aware that it's a good bet the wood will rot eventually but he is sanguine about the fact that he'll probably be replacing the top of it at some point. I am going to enjoy having that sink out by the garden so much. I'll be able to wash my vegetables as well as my hands, and also the compost bucket. It will also be a place I can water seedlings in their little pots when need be. 
I just told Mr. Moon that I love it so much and that I think it's beautiful. 
"Beautiful?" he asked. "It's just a rough old thing."
"Whoa!" I said. "I'm just a rough old thing and I am beautiful." 
I said that last part in a sort of just kidding way but I hope he thinks I am beautiful, despite my years and wear and tear. I know I think he's beautiful. We are quite different from when we met, when we were still blessed with the ripe, unconscious beauty of youth. Our beauty now is of a completely different sort but it's all in the eye of the beholder, is it not? 

So we two beauties went to Costco this morning to see JaLisa. We told her where we are in the process of learning to adapt to these hearing aids and she reassured us that everything we're going through is completely normal. And Mr. Moon did not give his back but kept them and I am glad of that. I don't know that he feels they make his life easier but I know that when he wears them, they make MY life easier. There were more adjustments to be made and they were. I wanted less treble, more bass, which I am sure is not how they describe the levels of different tones coming out of these things. But the higher levels in the auditory realm, and not speaking of volume, are unpleasant to me. They can actually hurt my ears and I think she fixed that problem. 

And then, because we could, we went to lunch. Who knew, back when we were those young, ripe beauties, that we'd eventually consider going to get our hearing aids adjusted and then going to lunch a hot date? 
Well. It is what it is. 
I said I'd be glad to go back to the Cuban restaurant where Jessie and I ate yesterday and Mr. Moon said he could eat some black beans and a Cuban sandwich. And that's what we did. We had the same server Jessie and I had yesterday and I am a little bit in love with her. God, I'd love to know her story. She is tiny but you can tell she is powerful. She is attentive and courteous but she is not obsequious in the least. 
SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL DOING A PROFESSIONAL JOB IN A PROFESSIONAL WAY! 
And by the way, her name is Jessi, and so that's an extra reason to love her. 
The lunch was delicious, again. Glen got his black beans and Cuban sandwich and I got a ropa vieja bowl which had rice, vegetables, black beans, and yes, ropa vieja in it. 
It was SO good. And I brought enough home for two more meals. 

And here we are, Friday night. I got the rest of the weeding done in the garden and did a tiny bit of clearing out in the camellia bed. Here are two pictures of the buds I am pleading with to open soon. 

I see color. Do you?

Come on, baby. You can do it!

We're supposed to get rain on Sunday, and then a temperature drop with the highs for the next week being in the 50's and 60's and the lows being in the 30's and by now, you know that for us, this is practically an emergency requiring FEMA to step in. 
Wait. What? There's no FEMA? 
Stop it. 

Here's the quote from the New York Time's that sums up the horror and the destruction of the United States for me.

Asked in a wide-ranging interview with The New York Times if there were any limits on his global powers, Mr. Trump said: "Yeah, there is one thing. My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me."

His morals? His mind? 
We are so fucking fucked. 

Something, someone has to be able to stop him. 
That is going to be my fervent wish and hope for the foreseeable future. 

Meanwhile. 

Happy Friday, y'all. Have a martini. Make some gumbo. Or, you know...just change your sheets. 

That's what I've done. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Pining For Camellias

The Japonica varieties of camellias are still not blooming but both of the sasangua varieties I have are. This is the pink one I have growing here. Both it and the red and yellow one are blooming more profusely  than they ever have before but so late! In late December of 2023 my hallway altar looked like this. 

And in 2018, on January 29, it looked like this. 

It was such an embarrassment of riches every year. Those camellias have been my joy and my reminder of miracles every winter. 

I have not given up hope though. I refuse. There are a fantastic number of buds and I am hoping that whatever mystical series of weather events has to take place for them to open happens soon. 

I did see something else I consider magical today though. I was on my back porch, as usual, when I heard a tap-tapping and looked up to see a pileated woodpecker on the pecan tree right behind where the camellias grow. I could not get a picture but here's what these magnificent birds look like. 

They are huge birds. They can range from almost almost sixteen inches long to over nineteen inches. When I see one, which is not very frequently, I feel as if I have had a religious visitation. They are that striking, that regal. 
So there was that this morning and I felt so lucky to have seen it. I fear that the pileated woodpecker will go the way of the ivory-billed woodpecker which, now extinct, was an even larger bird who was also  known as The Lord God Bird. There have been reported sightings of that bird but none verified in many years. Their habitat, like the pileated woodpecker's, was encroached on to the point where they simply could not survive and since humans' needs for development seem to have no boundaries, I am mortally afraid the pileated will become rarer and rarer until it, too, is more myth than reality. 

So you can see why when I sight one, I am filled with a sense of being blessed and not in the way people mean when they tell you to have a "blessed day" which is a common occurrence in these parts and sort of makes me want to screech, "I'm an atheist!"

I had to go to town again today. This going to town thing is getting to be a far more frequent event than I'd like. I had to go to the pharmacy where my hormones are made to pick those up and then to Costco and then to Publix. To reward myself for braving the urban world of East Tallahassee once again (haha!), I asked Jessie if she wanted to meet me for lunch at a Cuban restaurant. I was craving a bowl of their garbanzo bean soup. 
She did. And we discussed some very deep topics and that's not a joke. Our conversation was a more serious one than we usually have but it was a good one. 
And the soup was perfect.

I saw Brenda at Costco and she did not look like her usual boss self. She's been very sick with flu and bronchitis and even had to go to the hospital. Still, she was beautiful in her Brenda way and I hope she is better soon. Obviously, she needed more time off to recover but back to work she had to go which sucks tremendously and is simply wrong. 
I went a little crazy at Costco. I bought two new towels and a new set of sheets. I have no idea what came over me. It's just that the quality of these things is so good and their prices so much less than you'd find anywhere else. And I did what I did and I am not sorry. 

Mr. Moon is home. He has gotten so much done this week. He sent me this picture today.

A successful weld! Is that the right term? A weld? 
Fuck if I know. But I think it's part of the downstairs shower situation so definitely important. In fact, I'm almost certain it's part of the downstairs shower situation. As far as I know, the upstairs shower situation is fine as it is.
So. Painting, plumbing, welding. 
And I know he loves it all. 

Tomorrow we go BACK to Costco to see Ms. JaLisa and I am not sure Glen's going to keep his hearing aids. He is not happy with them. In the last few weeks he has not worn them every waking moment. I am doing my best to convince him that he needs to keep them for when he's not hunting or fishing or alone at least. I'm not thrilled with mine, either. Perhaps I really do not have as much hearing loss as I thought I did but I do know that I CAN hear conversations better and I can hear my grandchildren better and I can hear what the guy who oversees the dump says better and I can hear the TV better so I'm not surrendering mine for a refund. They can be a pain in the ass and the quality of the sound when I'm listening to books or podcasts with them is so inferior to my AirPods that I understand how Glen feels and there may be times when I don't wear mine either. Times when I'm home alone, specifically. I can hear the birds and the breezes and the rain and the oh my god, THE TRAIN, just fine without them. But I know Glen and I hear each other better with them even if he is loathe to admit it. 
I need to be flexible, I need to be open to adapting, I need to face the fact that aging creates changes and challenges which need to be addressed as best they can. 
Sigh.

The sky did another beautiful thing at sunset this evening. I didn't take a picture of what it looked like in the west because I've done that recently but here's what it looked like to the south. 

Not nearly as dramatic but there is beauty in subtlety too. I love the pink clouds.

I am not going to discuss the horrors. Not tonight. 

Love...Ms. Moon

A Good Day To Be With My Thoughts

 

This is a picture from the day after Magnolia was born. It is one of my favorite pictures in the whole world. If that doesn't personify holiness, I do know know what would. The deep and profound love which is felt when a baby is born after all the months of waiting is like nothing else I have ever experienced. Both Lily and Owen personify that here, as Magnolia sleeps peacefully on her mother. Lily is wearing the look that brand new mothers so often have. They are at once as exhausted as they've ever been, and as joyous as they've ever been. They are in a state of pure bliss. They are enraptured. 
And Owen? I'm not sure any little five-year old boy ever wanted a baby sister as much as he did. 
The sheer purity of the love here brings me to my knees. 
The story of Magnolia's birth can be found here if anyone would like to read it. I know many of you remember that day and I am constantly amazed at much a part of my life this blog and the people who visit here are. And grateful beyond measure. 

Here's another picture I love from the night Maggie came to us. 

I have pictures very much like this taken after each of my grandbabies' births. Except for Owen's because he was born in the hospital and, well, those beds just aren't big enough. But the other four were born at home where there is room for all. 

So, okay. I'm crying now because that's what I do best. 
Remember and cry. 

I would be greatly remiss if I did not tell you once again how strong and powerful Lily was giving birth to her babies. As was Jessie. 
Women. Anyone who denies our power in any way is simply either ignorant or afraid of it. Or both. 

I have had my quiet day. I've stayed home except to take the trash and stop by the post office- a journey of about a quarter of a mile. I spent a few hours on my knees, as I said I would, and it was just what I needed, as I thought it would be. 

My slashy-clawed familiar, my mysterious constant companion.

Mr. Moon has been sending me pictures of the painting he is getting done at the cabin on the lake. 
Here's our bedroom. 

It's hard to tell but that's a very pale green I think I'll like. 

Here's an upstairs bedroom. 

He said he's worried it may be too blue but I think it looks fine and I have to ask the question- too blue for what? 
He's also painted the bathroom ceiling and as he told me last night, all he needs to do for the downstairs bedroom is to put up and paint the trim, put in a floor, and it'll be about done.
That's all. 
Okay. 

Tonight's supper will be a repeat of last night's supper which was air-fried tofu with sesame, soy, miso, ginger, garlic dipping sauce, quinoa with chili crisp, and salad. 

That was seriously one of the best meals I've made in a long time so I'm looking forward to that. 

I'm sorry to be missing the family dinner for Maggie's birthday at Chow Time (her request, of course) but I'm sure they'll struggle along without me. 

Here's what the birthday girl looked like this morning before school. This was their first day back. 

 

Gotta love the tiara. Gotta love the sash.

Gotta love the girl. 
She is a force of nature, she is a one and only, she is our Magnolia June, and watching her grow up is one of the joys of my life. 

Happy birthday, Maggie. 

Love...MerMer, aka Ms. Moon

A Different Sort Of Birthday Celebration

Tomorrow Magnolia June will be ten years old. 
Can you believe that? August turned ten in September and now Maggie is hitting the double digits too. It was so lovely, seeing Jessie and Lily go through pregnancy and birth at essentially the same time and watching the little bebes as they grew and changed together. 
Here's one picture from when they were three years old. 

Sorry. I lied. One picture is not enough. 

Look at those blonde curls, those darling smiles, their little feetsies, the way they were already connecting. 
They have known and loved each other their entire lives. 

So when I asked Magnolia if she wanted to go out with me today to celebrate her birthday, I figured she might like to include August and Levon, too. The cuzzies. They've had no time together this whole past holiday because of the hoopacudis the boys had. 
And she very much wanted them to be there too. 
Jessie agreed that was a good idea and our little adventure was a trip to Oak Tree Treasures so that Maggie could pick out a present and then lunch at the movie theater!!!! before we watched Zootopia 2.
Jessie arranged that part, buying the tickets beforehand as one does these days. 
I'll just say that the movie-going experience has changed so much in the last decade or so that I don't even think it's worth it to go. But the kids love it and Jessie swore that Zootopia 1 was pretty darn good with lots of jokes for adults that kids didn't get and I knew the kiddos would love it so what could I do but agree? 
And the kids did love it. I did not hate it but my Lord, it was busy and the plot ranged from, well, maybe to what the fuck is going on now? 
But you know, plot is vastly overrated sometimes. 
It was also loud. I cannot believe the volume at which theaters play their films these days and the preview trailers are the worst. I finally had to take my hearing aids OUT and stuff bits of paper napkins in my ears, just as I used to do when I went out to hear loud bands. 

Of course the seats in movie theaters recline now and are so comfortable that it's almost impossible not to fall asleep in them, no matter how loud the movie is. I deliberately kept my chair in the upright position for almost the entire length of the movie but in the last fifteen minutes or so I got very drowsy, thought, "fuck it," reclined like a boss, and did indeed fall asleep. 
Sort of. 

But it was not about me although the way I've written about it makes it sound as if I think it is and, okay, yeah, from my own body and my own set of eyeballs and ears and so forth, it was about me. But I got to spend birthday time with my granddaughter and the cousins got to spend time together and all three of them got new-ish Smushmallows (look 'em up if you don't have grandchildren) and watching the three of them hug before we got in our separate cars to go home was worth all of it. Maggie thanked me many times, not just for the day out but also for inviting August and Levon too. Tomorrow night there is a supper planned but since Glen's out of town and I don't drive at night, today's outing was how I got to spend time with Maggie and hopefully, make her feel special. 

And tomorrow I plan to stay right here in Lloyd and pull weeds. I want that and I need that more than words can say. 

Oh- many of you asked for a picture of me in the garment I got yesterday and I took this one

but of course the back is where the interest lies and for the life of me, I could not get a picture of that. Oh well. I will say that when we were in Oak Tree Treasures buying Squishmallows, a woman remarked on the jacket/dress/tunic and told me how unique it was. I told her I got it at Goodwill and she said, "You have a good eye."
"Thank you," I said. I knew I wouldn't regret buying that thing. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Glory, CT Scans, Intelligent Conversations, Dessert Buffets, And Treasure Hunting. In Other Words, Quite A Day

The sky put on another show this evening and I got a few pictures. I like that one because it absolutely looks like the sky's on fire. It amazes me how quickly it changes. 

These two pictures were taken within thirty seconds of each other. I have been fortunate enough to watch many sunsets in my life and they are all so very transient and ephemeral which only adds to the glory magic. When you watch a sunset over the water, the time it takes for that last quarter of the sun to slip beneath the horizon is nothing more than a blink, a short breath, the smoothing of a wave as it comes to shore. 

Sigh. 

I sent Mr. Moon those pictures and he went down to the dock at the cabin where he is tonight and took this picture of his sunset. 

Now that is not so bad, is it? 

I went and got my scan this morning. One thing I can say about that office/clinic, is that it's run like a fine Swiss watch. My butt had barely touched the seat after I signed in before they were calling me back. My appointment was for 11:00 and at 11:08, I was headed out the door. 
Not kidding. 
The doctor will presumably be calling me although I was told when I went in on Friday that he is seeing fifty patients this week and I am sure he has at least that many calls to make. If I am not happy with how this comes out as to getting explanations, I will absolutely make a follow-up appointment for whenever he's available. 
I want to know what is going on and I want to know why I keep getting symptoms ranging from merely annoying to rather more serious discomfort and if there is anything to be done. 

August and Levon had regular check-up appointments with Dr. Zorn this morning and after they were done with those and had gotten their flu shots, we all met up at Chow Time. They brought their mother with them. 
For some reason, it was just a most enjoyable lunch. The level of conversation you can have with these kids is sort of crazy. They're funny, they can be serious, they listen, they mostly get the jokes, and I just love them to pieces. I admire how serious they are about selecting their food. We all have our own preferences about what to get first and then what comes next. Levon always gets pizza first and I always get hot and sour soup and boiled shrimp first. 
Today Levon asked me why I always get the shrimp and I told him I get it first because I like it and it is very good. (And it is. And I know my shrimp.) And then I asked him why he always gets pizza first and he told me because he likes it and it is very good.  
A meeting of the minds. 
I can't remember all of the things we talked about but the conversation never lagged. One of the things I know we talked about was a Youtube channel called Joonie and the Birds. We did not watch any of the videos at lunch, but Jessie sent me a link to one they especially like. It is the most charming and lovely place to visit and here's what I THINK is the first episode in the whole series. 

It is so sweet and the videography is terrific. I will watch more. 

So Chow Time was fun and especially when I accompanied the boys to get their desserts. I let them have whatever they wanted and we discussed each choice as to true desirability. They both got the same things. Mint chocolate chip ice cream because it is simply delicious and a large cube of red Jello and one of orange Jello because it is so pretty and they never get Jello at home. To top it all off, a moderate spoonful of chocolate pudding, nestled up to the mint chocolate chip ice cream because chocolate pudding is absolutely the best. 
When we were saying good-bye I told them that I was so glad that I had given birth to their mother so that she could give birth to them. 
They laughed and laughed. 
And then I assured Jessie that she alone was totally worth being grateful for. 

After lunch, I stopped by the Goodwill where I took pictures of things I might want to use as inspiration in pottery. 

RED! Yes. And very much like the colors in the Noel sasangua camellia blooming now. 

On to this bowl made in Portugal. 

I want to study that one. I know without a doubt I am not the artist it would require to fill a ceramic space with those beautiful flowers but it an example of shape and design from which I might be able to start. 

I did get a few things at Goodwill. Six new cotton napkins because I am a napkin junkie, a Geoffrey Beene linen/rayon jacket or is it a shirt? Whatever, it was made in Italy and it has pockets and it is lovely.

And then...

...whatever this is. 
It is sort of sportswear, sort of fancy, and very, very intriguing. It reminds me slightly of my mother-of-the-bride dress at May's first wedding. If that dress had had a zipper down the front and cords in back that tightened up to create a lace ruffle. 

It is extremely clever as well as utilitarian, and although I left it on the rack at the first go round, I could not stop thinking about it and knew that if I didn't buy it, I would regret it. 
I bought it and have no regrets. I am going to wear the shit out of this...garment. 

So I am home and yes, Mr. Moon has gone to Lake Seminole and I am really missing him. You know me. I'm fine by myself. I LOVE to be by myself but the last few weeks with that man have been so especially sweet and loving that I miss being able to hold him and be held by him whenever my heart desires. And also, to make him laugh. 
Oh well. 

I will survive. 

And I am not going to talk about...

Well. 
Just no. I can't. My head is in the sand, my heart is surrounded by brick walls, attack dogs, barbed wire, concrete, and a radar-assisted weapons response team. 
So to speak. 
Let us all be well. 

Love...Ms. Moon

A Very Decent Sunday

I decided that it was finally time to take down my Christmas decorations today and so I did. 
Well, I sort of did.
I unwove the vintage Santa lights from the stairs and wound them up and put them in their vintage Santa box although not in the way they were meant to be arranged. Rubber bands were involved. 
I say I "sort of" took down my Christmas decorations because I have yet to take the little battery twinkle lights off the Norfolk Island Pine. But hey- how much holiday stuff can a woman do in one day? 
If the woman is me, not much. 
Besides, I really like those twinkle lights. They might stay up for awhile. 

While I was in decor mode, I hung the darling Rolling Stones ornament that Rachel and Hank got me for Christmas. I could not figure out where to put it because it doesn't exactly fit in to what I perceive as my vision when it comes to hanging random items on walls and from...things. 
But then it occurred to me that I was being completely ridiculous. AS IF I had a vision of anything used as decoration in this house. So I gave the ornament a place of high pride which is above the kitchen sink. That lacy thing behind it is indeed lace, a runner, I think, that I picked up somewhere which works perfectly to block some of the horrendous fluorescent light which is behind it. And give that area a little Classy McClassness. 

Am I right? 

Haha!
I do not mind Christmas decorations at all, and in fact, I like many of them so much I keep them hung up all year, every year. 
For example.

I've discussed those star lights which have been shining on and off for so many years it seems impossible. 
The vintage ornaments above the doorway were ones Glen's parents owned. I love them so much I could not fathom putting them away for fifty-one weeks of the year and so I didn't. They are hung from over the door to the library, across the stretch of kitchen wall behind a bookshelf where I keep cookbooks and the refrigerator and then over that doorway into the hall. They end here.

There is a story to those little cherubim but no need to go into that tonight. Bottom line is, I love them. 

I got Owen's jeans sewn up today. They're not going to rip in the same place again, I will tell you that, but my needlework leaves a lot to be desired. I feel that it was a learning experience and as such, was quite valuable and Owen won't care a bit. 

Maurice doing quality control, as she does. 
She didn't seem to care either. 
But now I think I know how to better do what I was aiming for and have a pair of Mr. Moon's overalls that are also ripped to test that theory out. 

The sun came out again today. When I went to the garden to pick salad for tonight's supper, the sky was gray and dismal but by the time I'd filled my basket, I looked up to see this.

Wait. What? 
And before too long, all of the clouds from our patch of sky were gone. We did get a nice amount of rain yesterday though, and I will not begrudge gray skies which bring that. 

Here are what the tiny collard sprouts are looking like. 

Oak leaves for scale. 
Nah, they were just there. 

It's been a sweet day and although I have not completely done a news blackout for myself, I have tried to take everything in stride, knowing that resistance is NOT futile and knowledge is power. 
And then threaded my needle again. 
I did watch the short little video HERE and it at least made my heart a little lighter. I do indeed love Seth Rogan. He speaks the truth and fears no man which is something we could all aspire to. 

Spaghetti sauce on the stove, one of the ingredients being a jar of golden cherry tomatoes I canned two summers ago. They are as sweet as jam, no sugar needed. 

Tomorrow I'll be getting my scan at 11 and then we'll go from there. 

See you tomorrow.

Love...Ms. Moon