This Is A Special Announcement

Today is the birthday of our beloved Ms. Sarcastic Bastard.

No, she has not been able to blog regularly recently and I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that our world is a far less shimmering place of wonder for that.
But I can also state quite firmly that our world is a better one because she was born.

You can go over to her blog site here and wish her a happy birthday. Or, you can e-mail her directly at ugadawg1@woh.rr.com and I feel certain that it's okay to put that address here as it's up on her blog, too.

We love you, Ms. Bastard-Beloved.

Thanks for getting born.

Go Wish Her Happy Birthday, All You Beloved Cocksuckers!

I have asked Ms. Bastard-Beloved if she would let me put up a birthday post for her and so far, she hasn't answered but fuck it! I'm going to do it anyway.

I am quite sure that everyone of you who comes here goes to her place, too. The Famewhore Squirrel Welcomes Motherfuckers To Sarcastic Bastard.

And if you haven't, you know you are making Jesus weep.

It's no secret whatsoever that Ms. Bastard-Beloved is one of my dearest friends. She is more than that, though. She is a part of my family. She is proof that the internet is a GOOD thing. She somehow came into my life and I have no idea how at this point and you'd think on the surface of it that we wouldn't have one damn thing in common but oh my, you'd be wrong.

Ms. Bastard-Beloved lives in Buttfuck, Ohio and I live in Lloyd, Florida. She has no children. I have fifty-two. Okay, really only four. She loves cats. I...well. Not THAT much.

But wait- that's all I can think of which makes us so different!
For the rest- we might as well be one and the same!

Sort of.

She loves to curse. She is a MISTRESS of profanity. She is curious, she is sacrilegious, she is bitter and funny and cynical and wise. She is charming and she hates hypocrites and right-wing politics and assholes.
And her definition of "asshole" corresponds with mine about 99% of the time.

She has a Viking boyfriend. I have a Viking husband. They are both very nice men.

She is beautiful, just like me!
Actually, I have no idea what she really looks like. Unlike me, she never posts a picture of herself. Okay, she did once. A long time ago.
But I know she is beautiful because she just is. She is beautiful the way I am in that we both look the way we look and that, Motherfuckers! is what we look like!

And she's turning forty-five on Sunday.
And I am certain that many of us would like to wish her a happy birthday. And she is not addicted to her computer and she doesn't use one when she's not at work and it's already almost closing time and so hurry! hurry! hurry! Go wish her a happy birthday!

Go and wish my darling Ms. Bastard-Beloved a happy birthday and tell her, as I am telling her, that you are SO glad she was born because can you imagine how much less colorful and delicious our lives would be without her?
Oh. I am so glad I do not have to know.

And here's a secret- that woman is about the sweetest and most thoughtful woman you could ever imagine. I know, I know- I'm blowing her cover. Too bad. TOO FUCKING BAD, MS. BASTARD-BELOVED! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT A SWEETHEART YOU ARE!

So there. I just told them. Every cocksucker in the world knows now how sweet you are. Precious sweet.

Darling- you give me courage to write what I want. You give me a laugh or a tear or a thought every day. You listen, you answer, you know all my children and pets. You make my life richer, you make my life a better place to be. You celebrate joys with me, you reach down and pat me when I'm low.

YOU UNDERSTAND!

And I swear- the day WILL come when we get together. When we are no longer family-who-has-never-met. If I have to take up a collection, we'll do it.

Happy birthday. I'll drink one for you. Okay, maybe two. Know that you are my idol. Know that you are my dear, sweet Sarcastic Bastard Beloved. Know that I celebrate you, cherish you, and have conversations in my head with you all the time. Know that my family loves you. Wait. That's like saying that you love you.
Yeah. Okay. Whatever.
YOU UNDERSTAND!

Happy birthday, Beloved. And tell the Moms and Daddums that we're so glad they created you. Tell them we said, "Good job!"

And have a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Mine will be better, just knowing it's your birthday. I mean it.
And you know it.

Te amo para siempre. Y feliz cumpleaños!

Yours truly...Ms. Moon

And If This Doesn't Make You Happy, Please Go See Your Doctor

I so wish I had a picture but I don't.
Just go HERE and read what Ms. Bastard Beloved re-posted for me today.
It's a Christmas Classic, sort of like The Charley Brown Christmas Special only MUCH, MUCH BETTER! And with profanity.

I am so grateful for the presence of The Famewhore Squirrel in my life.
She completes me.

I Love Ms. Bastard-Beloved So Much That Sometimes I Have To Write Like She Does (Kathleen- I Have Eaten Your Soup)

I have had a container of frozen SoupMan soup in my freezer for a few months now. I bought it in case Kathleen was ever here and wanted something tasty and quick and easy to eat.

But I motherfucking ate it myself today.

I did not even look at the damn nutrition label either. I am sick, Motherfuckers! and I can eat whatever I fucking want and I am not worrying about fucking fat grams.

It was not the best motherfucking soup I ever ate but it wasn't the worst either.

Now. If you want to read a REALLY good post, written by the genuine Ms. Bastard-Beloved, go here.

I don't care how motherfucking sick you are, you will laugh.

Love...Ms. Moon
P.S. I'm sorry Kathleen. I will make you more soup. I promise.

Because Ms. Bastard Beloved Is Wise

What he said and what she posted.

Way Better Than A Fucking Camellia, Y'all

I love this so much I just have to link it. I did not ask mother-fucking permission. And I think Ms. Bastard would approve.

Merry Christmas.