When I woke up this morning it was freaking cold and I told Mr. Moon that I was "dying of anxiety."
I can be a bit dramatic.
My anxiety, of course, was due to the trip we're taking to The Event (oh, wait until I can write about this) and how I did not have anyone to stay here and watch my own supermodel and we didn't have a place to stay on our way up on Friday night and...
Well, that was about it.
But that's enough to kick my ass into panic gear.
I finally gathered my courage and texted Mark, my other son, to see if he'd be interested in coming to stay while we're gone. When Mark is here, I know that all is well. Sometimes Maurice even gets on the bed when he's sleeping so I'm pretty sure she adores him. And he is such a tidy person. Such a responsible person.
But the thing is, is that he's house/Sophie sitting for Jessie right now and I know that he is very, very involved in taking care of family members who do need help. They all live together and I believe that Mark is the cruise director, chef, sound-bath healer, driver, and general Mark of All Trades for them. And so would he feel okay about staying here right after he is relieved of house-sitting for Jessie?
Turns out I didn't even have time to type out a second text burst after my first one before he'd written back.
"Yes. Every time. I can't wait."
And with that I felt about 75% better.
His parents only live a few miles from here, really, so he can easily go check on them.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate him. He even asked if he'd need to water the garden. This is not his first Lloyd rodeo.
And then, to make matters even better, Glen found a place for us to stay on our way up in a little town called Cave Spring in Georgia. We've never been there but we will be on Friday. There's a sweet old house that takes guests and all the reviews make it sound like a very good place to stay. So THAT is covered.
I am so grateful.
Of course, once again, even knowing I was going to town, I fucked around and then found out that it was already after 1:00 before I hopped in my 2017 Prius and drove to Midtown Pizza. The timing there was fine because the lunch rush was definitely over and so I had May almost all to myself. I ordered some lunch and we talked and talked and talked while I ate and she folded pizza boxes. She brought out the bin of clothes and we went through them. Some I swear I do not even remember.
"Really? This was mine?"
One dress had NOT been mine. It had been Sue-Sue's, my friend who died many years ago. I did not remember that in the least but May did. I have no idea if any of these dresses will fit. I haven't had time to try them on yet so we shall see.
Here's the sad thing about body dysmorphia- when I was wearing some of these dresses, I thought I truly needed to lose weight.
I did not.
I was beautiful at that size. I was beautiful at a larger size. But far more importantly- I was simply not overweight. I just wasn't skinny. I have wasted so much of my life fighting a battle with my very own self, sometimes in what could be called a healthier way, sometimes in what could be called a disordered eating way.
I could write books about this. I have written a lot about it in this blog. But what I want to say now is that if I try on those dresses and none of them fit me, I need to not suddenly feel as if I am fat. As if I am overweight. I know I'm not. It is an extremely complicated subject and I fear that my brain has been wired a certain way since I was about seven years old. I honestly don't think I can rewire it at this age to be more accepting of the truth. To be more accepting of myself.
Which I mostly am! I know I am doing what I need to do to be healthier, easier in this body, more able to bend and to move and to not try to avoid every mirror in the world I come across.
So that's that.
And speaking of, well, we weren't speaking of it, but...food.
Happy St. Patrick's Day which for me personally just means an excuse to cook corned beef and cabbage and make Irish soda bread. The corned beef is simmering away, I need to go put the cabbage and carrots and onions and potatoes in and I need to find my recipe for the soda bread which is delicious.
I did not answer comments but once again, perhaps I will get around to it.
Here's another vacation adventure photo.
Y'all- it's not even that warm down there. I mean, it's probably warmer than where many of you are but it's less than 60º which to us is WAY too cold to be swimming.
Children.
And the latest forecast on my weather widget for tonight here in Lloyd is 33º.
Holy shit.
Well, it will be what it will be and there is no way in hell I'm bringing any plants in or covering anything in the garden which has just been planted.
To repeat myself once more- Root hog or die.
Love...Ms. Moon



It sounds like everything is going to work out just right for your trip and the event. All that worrying paid off:)
ReplyDeleteNow if I could only convince myself.
DeleteSo all's set. Good. Now as long as you don't find something else, you're all set. Try to enjoy trying on the dresses!
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting.
DeleteGlad everything turned out re the arrangements for your trip! Have a safe journey and a fun time!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Debra. We shall do our best.
DeleteArrangements have been made so you dont need to worry. Which won't stop you of course, but you will worry less.
ReplyDeleteIt's like you know me.
DeleteSadly no corn beef here and slaw rather than cooked cabbage. Really much less yummy. And how fortunate to have such a willing house sitter to call. Clearly you are a deserving parent.
ReplyDeleteCeci
I don't know what I'm a deserving parent, really. I am, however, very lucky.
DeleteThis is the second time I have seen corned beef and cabbage mentioned online in 2 days. Just looked it up and discovered that what I know as " corned beef" is not the same as yours! Ours is "minced and canned salt beef " in a tin. ( That is a description I just found) I believe that it was " invented" in South America so that they could export their beef without it going bad!
ReplyDeleteOh, I know that canned corn beef! It was a staple in my household growing up. My mother would make corned beef hash with it, cooking it with potatoes and onions in a skillet. I loved that. I also loved making a sandwich with it, sliced with mustard. I haven't had any of that in years.
DeleteWhat a relief about the trip plans. You have to go because I can’t wait to read about it! Never stop sharing the wisteria. Oh how I hate corned beef and cabbage. When I was little, my grandparents apartment buildings always smelled like cooked cabbage. I’ve never recovered. So I should say I hate cabbage and it ruins corned beef.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of so many apartment buildings whose hallways always smelled of cooked cabbage. Yes. That would certainly be enough to put one off it for the rest of their lives. Sometimes I cook red cabbage with raisins and apples and purple onions and caraway seeds. Do you think you'd hate that too?
DeleteWhatever you wear will be just fine as you are a beautiful woman inside and out, Mary!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ellen. I really appreciate that.
DeleteIt was only supposed to get to mid 30s Monday night but with the wind...all the foliage on 5 out of 6 tomato plants froze but not the stems so I think they'll be OK. the sixth? green as can be and it's right next to the others. Go figure. Also all the new banana leaves froze, about half my green bean sprouts, and the top half of my basil.
ReplyDeleteas for the Event, just wear something comfortable that you feel good in. I say that but I'd be freaking out because I have no dresses that fit that description.
Well, I lost all my tomatoes. Every freaking one. I guess I'll let them sit for awhile to see if any new growth springs forth but I really do not think it will. Dammit!
DeleteMy basil died all the way. Not sure about the bananas. They'll come back, I feel certain. My green beans look to be fine.
Well, now I have options and that's almost more pressure.
Mrs. Moon! If you by chance are coming here to Chattanooga, the red buds are perfect rose- purple misty smudges just now. The Choo Choo has been ruint and the rose garden dug up, so don’t go there. You will cry. But love and safe travels wherever you’re faring!
ReplyDeleteWe weren't planning on going to Chattanooga. Home of my people. But wait- what rose garden? I haven't been in many, many years.
Delete