They lie, they lie, they LIE! Look at the thawing instructions on that turkey. Does it not say that a thirteen to sixteen pound turkey will thaw in the refrigerator in 3-4 days? That turkey weighs 13.51 pounds and it has been in a refrigerator since last Wednesday which means it's been six days since the supposed thawing process began and by god that bird is still mostly frozen. And no, it's not the refrigerator. It is set at a normal temperature. This happens every year. Every year of my life it has happened.
Three to four days my ass.
I retrieved it from the garage this afternoon because I wanted to start the dry brine. Maybe. But I don't think you can dry brine a damn block of turkey ice. I'll leave it out on the counter until I go to bed although that is against all the safety rules (bite me) and see how it's going tomorrow.
I'd say I'm sorry I'm being so profane tonight but I'm not sorry and I'd rather be profane than lie. I'm not sure why the cusses are coming out so abundantly but they are. Besides, I've been fairly mild in my language lately and I don't want to lose my abilities in that area.
Lily called me this morning. God bless her, the first thing she said is, "This is not an emergency!" Phew. She knows me.
The not-emergency was that their main refrigerator is broken and they don't have an ice maker hooked up and I think something else may be broken but I'm sure the washer is and she says there's laundry all over the place and maybe, just maybe, having Thanksgiving at her house isn't the best idea this year and (tiny voice) would I mind if we moved it here?
I do believe this has happened before. And you know what? This house was made to be a family-gathering house and that's all there is to it so of course I don't mind although I did set a few guidelines, mostly involving people baking their casseroles before they get here because that last hour oven-shuffle situation drives me nuts. And the really good news is that now I don't have to transport all the stuff I'm making over to Lily and Lauren's house.
All I really have to do that I wouldn't be doing anyway is to clear the spaces we'll need to use like kitchen counters and tables. I'll just throw all that stuff in a closet and it'll be groovy. And to warn people where not to walk because they'll fall through the floor.
Sigh.
I did what I do believe was my final shopping (for Thanksgiving, at least) today and I have to say that Costco was far, far less crowded and crazy than it was a week ago. I have no idea why. All I needed there was some smoked salmon and butter and some vegetable Better Than Bouillon. I know I've mentioned the Better Than Bouillon products before but if you've forgotten, this shit is the best. Never buy a carton of chicken stock or beef stock or veggie stock again. Of course I still make my own stock for a lot of things but adding the BTB to it just brings it all to a much higher level.
I highly recommend this product and of course, as always, I am not making a penny off of this recommendation.
Sigh. I wish.
I also went to Publix for a few last-minute items and that wasn't very stressful either. So...YAY!
After I got home and before I even unloaded the groceries, I cleaned out the refrigerator for much-needed space. I didn't clean it, I just cleaned out the stuff you don't throw out because, well, gee, maybe it's still good. It smells okay. It looks okay. There is a slight chance, at least, that we'll eat it. If we were starving we would eat it. Right?
I was merciless. Begone, you poor containers of if not mysterious than at least questionable leftovers and jars with 1/4 inch of something in them.
And now I have plenty of room for all the things. Stuffing and turkey and cranberry relish and pies and angel biscuit dough.
And one more pecan pie, this one pure and unsullied by chocolate.
I got past whatever was holding me back yesterday and cranked out what I think will be a fine pie. If I were a true southern lady cook, I would have arranged those pecans in a pleasing pattern but I guess I'm not because I didn't. I did, however, turn most of them right side up. Not all. But enough to show I care.
That's a picture of the garden right now. I need to get in there and clear out the dead marigolds and basils. We may get rain tomorrow and I know that every creature and plant is hoping for that to be so. I just heard some frogs croaking and I want to believe they know something the rest of us don't.
Meanwhile...
Really, Maurice? The old, soft jeans I understand but is it really that comfortable to cuddle up to a pincushion?
And on top of the scissors?
I guess it is.
I guess it is.
Love...Ms. Moon
P.S. I dropped by May's work today because I just really, really needed to hug her. I am so glad I did. It was heaven and she is an angel.
Forty plus years ago, we drove from Coastal Texas to Chicago in extreme cold - it was in the teens here for several days and was -25F in Chicago. The girls were seven and nine and did a lot of bickering along the way as was their wont. We converged, exhausted, on my sister-in-law’s apartment along with my mother-in-law, two women who hated to cook and who had decided I was cooking Christmas dinner in a tiny kitchen equipped primarily with take out menus from every local restaurant. On Christmas Eve my husband and his mother walked to a nearby grocery store and returned with a turkey in the 18 pound range that was FROZEN SOLID. I spent many hours in the bathroom tending to the turkey thawing in the tub. The only other thing I remember about that unpleasant occasion (do I bear a grudge? Yes, yes I do) is mashing potatoes by first ricing them using a colander. This year all I have to do is set a lovely table and preside; age has its privileges. Margaret, who wishes you happy thawing.
ReplyDeleteSee, now, this is where I’d have let the husband WALK back to Texas. In the snow. By himself. Good luck with that! And good riddance!! :D
DeleteWhat a crock of shit Thanksgiving that was for you. How in hell did you manage not to main someone, much less to make a Thanksgiving dinner in that kitchen.
DeleteI would never really get over that.
Not Thanksgiving, but Christmas, which made it even worse somehow. I had learned by then to bring my favorite recipes and some decent knives with me when we visited. I loved his mother dearly and his sister, too, but 42 years later I’m still mightily pissed off. And to Anonymous above, I would have sent him packing, but we still had to get to my family in Connecticut where my mother would NEVER have entertained such an idea - and she hated to cook too.
DeleteI'm pretty sure my little Cornish game hen will be okay to cook tomorrow..
ReplyDeleteYou are probably safe!
DeleteI feel your turkey pain. I have no idea what the secret is. I checked mine today and decided that tomorrow it sits in the sink until the sucker loosens up. Mine is only about six pounds and this is day two. I don’t even eat turkey.
ReplyDeleteI do love the Better Than boullion you mentioned. For some reason, i make a lot of gravy and that is certainly the best.
Beautiful pie! I’ve never attempted a pecan pie. I go with pumpkin or apple. Tomorrow, it will be apple.
Why do the turkey thawing instructions always misrepresent the truth? Which is to say- lie? Just give us the facts. Same with cooking times which I have never found to be accurate.
DeleteBTB is fantastic, isn't it?
Pecan pie is easy. Truly.
Oh yes, I too am a big believer in keeping up one's abilities in the profanity department. Personally, I practice every single day with as wide a variety of swear words as I can. I am very dedicated, no matter what other demands on my time there may be.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the motherfucking way to do it!
DeleteThanksgiving has a history of cussing cooks who’d like to be doing something else. And a big YES about this all the companies who lie about the # of days it really takes for a frozen turkey to defrost. If you don’t know anyone personally who has died from leaving a turkey overnight on the counter, that’s your sign to go right ahead. Gobble
ReplyDeleteGobble from Carol in Atlanta.💗🦃🦃🦃
Right? Does anyone out here know of any turkey deaths due to thawing on the counter instead of in the refrigerator? I don't even remember hearing about anyone getting sick.
DeleteIt's so true about defrosting turkeys, it always takes at least twice as long to thaw them out. Your pecan pie looks so good. Have I told you how much I love pecan pie? Maybe not.
ReplyDeleteAs Debra said, keeping up your swearing abilities should be a fucking priority:)
Sending hugs and don't let the turkey grind you down. Fuck I'm tired. I'm not even making sense.
I sure wish you could have a piece of that pie and one of the chocolate pecan, too.
DeleteWell, when I find myself feeling as if am not keeping up with my swearing abilities, all I have to do is watch an episode or so of Deadwood and I snap right back.
I'm tired too, honey.
Pleased to hear some decent swears! Although yours are quite mild today. Not a single mother fucker do I see.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that family dinner at your house is just the right thing to do. It is as it ought to be. At least you do not have to make every bit of the dinner- delegate, I am a fan. I have done that this year and it cut down my anxiety over timing bigly!Tomorrow I brine and hope the bird is thawed! ALL of the kids will be here! Even the one coming from the east coast and the one coming from surgery! It will be grand.Have a great thanksgiving, Miss Mary, I will drink to you! Cheers!
Or even a cocksucker!
DeleteAnd I hope that your Thanksgiving is fun and filled with laughter and that new memories are made, new jokes invented. And I will drink to you. I am sure your house is perfect and that your meal will be too.
We are prepping for Thanksgiving too & feel your pain with defrosting the turkey haha. Such a pain! Hope you have a wonderful holiday!
ReplyDeletePerhaps someone should make an investigation into the issue of why the turkey companies all lie about thawing times.
DeleteI thaw mine in an ice chest, without ice for the first 24 hours and then move it to the fridge. Question for you: have you seen the BTB adobo or the Btb Italian herb? Boy those are great.
ReplyDeleteNow that's a smart idea! We have ice chests aplenty around here. I'm sure you do too.
DeleteI have not seen those two BTB flavors around here but I have seen them online. There used to be a seafood one, I think, which was good for chowders and so forth.
Being vegetarian, they'll be no turkey here. Not much else, either. Oh well. It is what it is. My husband is having a Stouffer's turkey dinner and I'm making myself pasta and a salad. How sad is that?! Actually, we're quite happy with the situation. Our bar is low. LOL. The last big family gathering we attended I stopped on the way home and bought a bottle! The probably tells the tale!
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up cursing. I'll feel alone. Us nurses have to stick together here!
I was at the grocery store this morning (Giant Eagle here) and they were not busy at all. What a surprise that was! Wonder what's up?
Maurice lives dangerously sleeping on scissors. I've slept on a lot of things.... but not scissors! Well leave it at that.
Your turkey will be fine and fabulous as well as your Thanksgiving! That pecan pie made my socks go north and south!
Paranormal John
Nurses are the best cursers. My advice to you about big family gatherings is to buy the bottle before the dinner and have a few shots before you get there.
DeleteSo why aren't you making a tofurkey? What kind of vegetarian are you, anyway?
And by the way- I like Stouffer's products. How gourmet is my taste?
Enjoy tomorrow however you celebrate it. I am spiritually sending you a piece of pie.
I'm not having Tofurkey because I'm assuming it ''kinda' tastes like turkey and I never liked turkey. Some of those 'fake' meats taste like shit...others are pretty good. I like the Impossible Burger.
DeleteThank you so much for 'spiritually' sending me a piece of that pecan pie. Heaven sent...whatever that may mean. I know it's fabulous!
Oh yes, I should have bought the bottle before the family gathering. I'd probably show up drunk and tell them how I really feel. Best keep my ass at home...even if it's with Tofurkey!
Paranormal John
The "tofurky" was pretty much a joke. I mean- I like tofu but it does not taste like turkey which would be a plus for you!
DeleteI think you are wise to the ways of yourself. You probably made the right choice about the bottle.
Uh-oh. I better check our defrosting turkey...ours is ten pounds heavier than yours and has also been blithely sitting in the fridge since last Wednesday. Tomorrow may be bathtub day in Boise. (SO glad you wrote this particular post today!).
ReplyDeleteHow do you even manage a twenty-three pound turkey? Maybe once I could but no longer. I salute you! Hope you get that Turkasaurus thawed in time for dinner tomorrow.
DeleteWhy don't you try a fresh Turkey? Back when we were making Thanksgiving for the multitudes we would order a fresh one. We were able to specify the weight and when we wanted to pick it up. Took all the guesswork out of the process. Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteI have indeed roasted fresh turkeys before but somehow this year, I didn't even buy the "better" brand of frozen turkeys. I got the Publix brand and they're probably the same anyway. But who knows? Maybe next year, if I ever make another turkey, I'll get a fresh one.
DeleteSo sorry to hear Lily's place is nonoperational for now, but oyur place is perfect for gatherings so all is well. The pecan pie looks so delicious. We don't have that Better than Boullion here in Australia, but we manage quite well without it. Do you think the thawing instructions mean 3-4 days PER POUND??
ReplyDeleteYes. This house is perfect for the family gatherings. And the kids feel comfortable here. We sure are going to miss the Weatherfords, though.
DeleteYou THINK you are managing fine without Better Than Bouillon but if you tried it, you might feel differently about it. It is an excellent product.
And no, I seriously do not think that's what the thawing chart means. It would be more accurate though.
I read that through twice and still didn't notice the "oyur" (your) until just as I clicked "publish"
ReplyDeleteOh Lord. I make typos all the time.
DeleteP.S. have Glen cut up the turkey with a chainsaw for faster thawing...
ReplyDeleteNext year!
DeleteHi Ms Moon
ReplyDeleteHave a great family Thanksgiving, we don't celebrate in the UK (yet).
Cats are so amusing, they sleep in the most unusual places, I suspect Maurice likes your jeans as they have your smell on them, can't quite work out the pin cushion attraction though.
Love and purrs
Willy Wombat, Dorset UK
I don't think cats even notice things like the possible perils of sleeping next to a pincushion or on a pair of scissors. They just find a place that fits and settle in.
DeleteJust two old people here so there will be no turkey, sweet potatoes for sure though.
ReplyDeleteI saw a meme on Facebook on day and saved it for just this occasion. "I accidentally dropped my swear jar, and about 900 "Motherfuckers" escaped." Snarky Nana"
Haha! Good one.
DeleteSweet potatoes are indeed an important part of Thanksgiving.
Your devil-cat sure *looks* cute!! I don’t suppose she is mellowing in her dotage??
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't think she's mellowing. Not after seeing her go full-on mountain lion with that dog.
DeleteI love the idea of thanksgiving being at your house. Of course it’s no sweat off my back. That pecan pie is gorgeous. I’d love some. Maurice can be so adorable. Dudo used to cuddle up to a barrel cactus on the terrrace. We were invited to the home of an odd English expat living nearby for thanksgiving with 15 other strangers. Nope! If there are any typos in this I’m leaving them. If i backspace on my iPad while writing a
ReplyDeleteL commen it disappears. !
"Of course it's no sweat off my back." Haha! And it was so hot today that I did indeed sweat while I was cooking.
DeletePerhaps cats, with their prickly personalities, feel a connection with pincushions and cacti.
Uh, yeah. I'd be skipping that Thanksgiving fest myself. No. A thousand times NO.
Typos that others make never bother me.
I also highly recommend BTB- we call the one we get chicken schmegma and it is so easy to use in it's gelatinous format <3 PIVOT always seems to be a Thanksgiving theme. happy cooking/ visiting tomorrow xxalainaxx
ReplyDeleteDon't tell anyone but I lick the spoon I've used to scoop out the BTB and stir it into the broth water. I love it that much.
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you, dear woman, and your dear man.
A trick I learned during Hurricane Sandy when we were without power for two weeks ....place two or three bricks in your barbecue and voila! when it heats up you have another oven. Works like a charm when you have a large gathering and only one oven like I do.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I understand the logistics of that.
DeleteYour vegetable garden looks very neat. You could come over and weed mine?
ReplyDeleteI do like to weed so...maybe?
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you and enjoy the festivities that are now at your house!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Michael!
DeleteOh my, just able to cope with a drop in Thanksgiving crowd, I’m really impressed. Yes indeed, turkey bird better behave itself. I heard a comment on the radio about the Butterball Hotline yesterday, and remember years ago calling for their advice. Not for me any more, and my daughter-in-law is picking up a fresh turkey this morning.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed you drove to Ohio! I think fresh turkeys are the way to go. The idea of the Butterball Hotline has always charmed me.
DeletePecan pies are more attractive with a natural distribution of pecans vs the mechanistic lined up outside of each nut, I think. Thus, yours looks terrific. Sad that no one in my eating group likes them except me!
ReplyDeleteCeci
You should make yourself a pecan pie, take one piece out and freeze the rest. Then you can cut a slice whenever you want to. You're worth it!
DeleteThe pie looks amazing and I have also dealt with the lying turkey labels. Cats are strange at the same time as being so perfectly adorable. Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow! -Nicol
ReplyDeleteMaurice is our main source of entertainment around here.
DeleteMaurice wants you to pay attention to her instead of the sewing! Even though I'm sure you're paying PLENTY of attention to her.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely win a prize for adaptability, being able to host Thanksgiving at the last minute!
I cannot tell you a thing about defrosting turkeys. I think my mom used to do it in water, if I recall correctly, and I remember it being a very wet job.
You want to know how I can throw Thanksgiving here with little warning? I DON'T CLEAN BEFOREHAND! Nope.
DeleteYes, you can thaw turkeys, or anything, actually, in water. I do that frequently with chicken and fish and stuff.
I always host Thanksgiving but I'm lucky that my sister and her husband bring the turkey. We have a nice recipe where we make it the day before and have it all carved up and ready to reheat in a low oven on Thanksgiving day. It works great and I don't have to fret about carving anymore. I make the sides and desserts and it's all good. I've relaxed over the years and I figure if anyone doesn't want to eat what we have out, then they can eat when they get home and they won't starve! ;)
ReplyDeleteHey! Sides and desserts are not nothing! They can take a lot of planning and preparation! Good idea about pre-baking and carving the turkey.
DeleteI have no worries about whether or not the people will want to eat whatever is on the table. My family loves just about everything.
We've been having the day at my house since we moved out here permanently but now with a four year old and almost walk not quite toddler in a house that is not baby proof we're having it at Sarah's. Easier for two people to travel than two other families and friends. The turkey is not my problem for which I'm glad especially since I don't eat it.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing about having Thanksgiving somewhere else is that you can leave when you want to. "Buh-bye!"
DeleteDo you dislike the taste of turkey? The texture? Just curious.
Your home is perfect for Thanksgiving. I have no experience defrosting a turkey but got lots of tips reading the post and comments. Good to know!
ReplyDeleteI love having family and friends for a holiday feast and gathering. My attitude is, the more the merrier and bring whatever you want to bring. I do the main course, veggies and I buy deserts. Everybody else brings something of their choice. Anything will do.
It is a bit of a free-for-all but that is how I roll.
I used to be the woman who invited the world for Thanksgiving. This could explain why I'm sort of burned out on the whole concept at this point. I will say though that I am glad I welcomed a whole lot of people into our home and hearts back when I was less of a cynical old bitch.
DeleteHave fun tomorrow!
I can feel the Thanksgiving tension rising but maybe the people at "Better Than Bouillon" will read this blogpost and send you a cheque (American: check) for the free promotion. I have never seen those products for sale over here. I hope your Thursday goes really well with your loved ones all around you.
ReplyDelete