I took this screen shot yesterday morning of my Merlin bird identifier app which is offered free from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology. I was mostly wondering if the crows who come to dine here are really crows or if they are, in fact, ravens. They're so big! Like twice the size of regular crows. But the app said they are American crows and I suppose I'll trust it. What surprised me was the number of different birds the app was picking up. Some of them I was not surprised about- our regular visitors like the Carolina wrens and the cardinals and blue jays but frankly, I don't think I knew that woodpeckers, either downy or pileated, make calls. Of course they do! There were more coming in every second but that's the screen shot I got at that moment in time.
I just looked up a video on what the pileated woodpecker sounds like and of course I recognize that sound! I hear it all the time!
I swear. The older I get, the more I realize I do not know. The more I realize I do not even know enough to even wonder about what I do not know. If there's one thing about dying that makes me feel a little sad, it's that I'll die without the slightest idea of all that I've missed, right here in front of me. Forget the things I don't know about history or botany or architecture or art or music or biology or how electricity works- I'm talking about the very birds that live in my yard, the spiders, the wasps, the favorite foods of my loved ones, the tides, the constellations right above my head, and how Keith Richards has managed to live this long. How I'VE managed to live this long.
It's all crazy miraculous to me and perhaps that's the best way to look at it all.
Still. I should freaking know what a pileated woodpecker's call sounds like. And now I do.
It's all crazy miraculous to me and perhaps that's the best way to look at it all.
Still. I should freaking know what a pileated woodpecker's call sounds like. And now I do.
We got rain today. For once the forecast did not lie. It has rained on and off most of the day. Not a great amount at any one time and not exactly steadily but in the coming and going of it, we are definitely a bit less thirsty here.
I was going to get so much done!
Story of my life. And in one way, I did. My oldest constant friend from childhood called me and we talked for two hours and twenty minutes and had not even begun to run out of things to say. When she called I had just started making a little headway with my goal today which was to sweep the entire house thoroughly. I'd gotten my bathroom done and had almost finished up with our bedroom but when that girl called, I knew what was about to happen and I just sat my butt down and let everything else go.
Both of us know what's important and we are important to each other. The best of friends since sixth grade and we share the kinds of memories that you probably would not tell your children about.
Like the day we were part of a small group of people in a Karmann Ghia who blew up a gas station? Okay, I'd tell my kids about that. I didn't crash into the gas pump. I wasn't holding the beer.
Still.
You know what I mean. And that incident is hardly the most scandalous thing we may or may not have been involved in. As we always end up saying to each other- it's a damn miracle we survived. And yet we did, and here we are, and our lives continue to present us with situations that we need to talk about, discuss, empathize with, relate to, and laugh about.
Laugh about. That's probably the most important thing. After all these years, we can and do still laugh.
So that's mostly what I did today. Oh, of course I washed the sheets and remade the bed with them. I have a loaf of the high-fiber, high-protein bread in the oven and I am going to cook some more scallops. Last night's supper was truly a southern delight although I put too much garlic in the pork roast if that's even possible.
Trust me. It is.
And the cobbler? It didn't need no stinkin' whipped cream or ice cream either one. It was pretty perfect as it was.
I believe Dolly would approve. Granny Mathews too.
Should I talk about 9/11?
What more could I add to the somber discussion of that day? What I've been thinking about is how I have such a very, very strong memory of it, even the part of the morning before I knew it had happened. Was happening. I was just thinking about this the other day, how it almost seems like my brain took a clear and crisp photograph of that day and presented it to me in such a way I would never forget it, both the before and after. I remember specific details of Lon and I driving to pick up Lis at the hospital where she had had gall bladder surgery. I think. That part I am a little fuzzy about. It may have been an appendectomy. When we walked into her room, she had the TV on and said, "Have y'all seen this?" and we watched as the Twin Towers fell in a cloud of smoke and we had no idea what we were really watching and yet somehow, Lis got checked out of the hospital and we drove to a pharmacy to get her prescriptions filled but before all of that, I can completely recall Lon's and my discussion in the car about a dream he'd had the night before and I remember how I interpreted it and of course, as everyone remembers, no matter where they were, how beautiful the sky was that day. How blue and clear and cloudless. Empty of clouds.
How perfect.
How perfect.
I know I've posted one version or another of this song by Bruce Springsteen on many anniversaries of that unfathomably unbelievable day. Here's another.
I still don't understand. I doubt anyone does.
But it happened.
And nothing will ever be quite the same again.
But it happened.
And nothing will ever be quite the same again.
So. Here's Bruce. And his wife Patti Scialfa.
Music often says what most of us cannot.
Love...Ms. Moon
My first car was a Kharmann Ghia. How funny! I never blew up anything with it.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted a Kharmann Ghia. I STILL want a Kharmann Ghia.
Deletebeautiful Music...have not heard that in long time. Had my own (as most of us did) reflective and somber day full of memories and the ache in our cores..of that day is strong still- that is good...it needs to be strong. One of the most quiet and somber (not in a bad way) days I've had since my husband passed 1 1/2 years ago.....and it was what I would call a good day because...the heart and what it is capable of feeling is always good
ReplyDeleteSusan M.
Sometimes, for me, it really does not feel good at all when my heart is feeling too much. It's just...overwhelming and more than I can bear.
DeleteThank you for this, Mary. I have held my shit together all day until I heard Bruce and Patti's beautiful, haunting harmonies... I'm a mess now but I needed this release. May peace and comfort be with all those that are missing a loved one today. We will never forget. May their dear souls rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteAngie D
Aren't their voices together simply beautiful? And yes, haunting.
DeleteI'm sorry you reacted so strongly but I'm glad that you did if you needed it.
So many people never came home that day. Too much sorrow for me to even contemplate.
You blew up a gas station and survived and I am very glad you did 💖
ReplyDeleteWell, it wasn't the entire gas station but it was one gas pump that went up into major flames AND the newspaper sent out a reporter AND it was on the front page the next day.
DeleteSo much for keeping that secret from my family.
I know exactly what you mean about how much you don't know!!! I've lived in this region since 1980, 36 of them in France, and I'm amazed at how I still don't know the names of most of the mountains surrounding me!!! And then there's all the places I want to visit and won't/can't. Still, I guess it's better to be curious than indifferent (at least in my opinion)!
ReplyDeleteYes. It is good to be curious, I think.
DeleteI hadn’t considered this fact until I recently read it that 25% of Americans weren’t even born at the time of the attacks when the world changed.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes remember that two of my coworkers in my unit were not yet born and it astonishes me every time. There they are, working behind desks, not toddling around. Time is a funny thing.
Delete-Rachel
Wow. That statistic is pretty mind blowing. And yes, Rachel- time is a very funny thing.
DeleteWell now I need the gas station story. Does Hank know it?
ReplyDeleteA fun fact you did not ask for-- those memories, like yours from 9/11/2001, are called "flashbulb" memories. Us humans tend to remember much greater detail around those moments of big events that shock us so profoundly. 9/11/2001 and Americans' memories are actually a prime example-- even what my psychology professor used to teach us about flashbulb memories.
Ironically. I always remember the term/concept because I also remember precisely the moment. I was at home, sick, not in school. I had gone to my mother to ask her something (that part is gone) and the news was on, the first plane had already crashed, so the live feed was on the burning tower and then there the second one came. I will never forget watching that plane, live, crash into the second tower. And I just standing there, looking to mother for answers, only to be met with tears. She later told me that serving Dad's birthday cake and singing happy birthday with us later that evening was one of the most difficult moments of her life. And there are more things you did not ask to know.
-Rachel (if you couldn't tell)
DeleteI could tell, dear Rachel!
DeleteI think I have heard about flashbulb moments. And that's exactly what this memory feels like. The assassination of JFK was another in my life. John Lennon's death.
You were indeed a child, weren't you? Bless you, honey. Yet you still remember it so clearly and the fact that it was your father's birthday makes it all even more vivid, I'm sure. I was a child when President Kennedy was shot but I surely remember that day and the days after. There were so many moments that tore the hearts of Americans right out of their chests.
I never do not want to know things about you. Thank you for sharing.
As to whether Hank knows about the gas station thing- I really have no idea. I will be happy to tell the story if he does not.
I too was shocked when using the Merlin app this summer and discovering that my phone was picking up on many bird calls that I wasn't hearing! Apparently my phone's ears are far better than my own.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen or heard a pileated woodpecker around here for years, and when they do stop at our yard, it's just in passing. We have the smaller downies and hairies year-round at the feeders. -Kate
My phone's ears are definitely better than mine AND so is whatever brain it uses to identify the different birds. It's such a cool app.
DeleteI always feel blessed when I see a pileated woodpecker. They are magnificent birds, aren't they?
I am glad for the miracle of you. thinking of your husband as it's the hardest thing we do, to watch someone get ready to walk through the valley.... I love the new pieces and I can't believe M is that tall!!! this year's crop of 6th graders only has two kids taller then me ...so far but by next school year i'm betting 90% of them will be towering above me!
ReplyDeletei'm terrified of dipping even a toe brackish water but I love the sandy/marsh aspect of that beach. it looks so.... deserted and peaceful (and the tide part made me think of chitty chitty bang bang.) xxalainaxx
There's a very good chance Maggie will be taller than her sixth grade teacher next year. She's obviously got the genes. It's so funny when we go to her school for grandparents' day lunch and all the little kids just stare up at Glen with big eyes. He truly is inordinately tall.
DeleteBeing in that water sort of freaked me out too. But- so far no one seems to have developed any deadly infections from the bacteria that must be in it.
Phew.
And also, yes. This is very, very hard for Glen. I know what it's like but not in these same circumstances when it all happened so suddenly. And if they can figure out what the infecting agent is causing the symptoms, there is a good possibility the friend will survive. We are hoping.
DeleteAnd I am glad for the miracle of you because make no mistake- you ARE a miracle. I think of you and am blown away at your strength, resilience, perseverance, and intelligence. Don't forget that.
Ditto, want to know the gas station story. I did not do much of anything as a young person, followed all the rules until I got divorced...then started living my own life, making my own mistakes. Our country was shocked so much by 9/11, and yet other citizens in other countries all over the world live with wars daily. Nobody should have to.
ReplyDeleteI was a very, very good girl until I almost died at the age of sixteen from mono. I mean, I came close. After that, I shed a whole lot of the bullshit everyone had been trying to force down my throat my entire life.
DeleteYou are so right about war and how in some places, every day is 9/11 in one way or another. How can we still be doing this to ourselves and others?
Maybe I should get that app. Every day I hear little birds chittering high up in the trees and I've not been able to see them.
ReplyDeleteI know 9/11 was a big shock to Americans who considered themselves bulletproof but really, how much destruction do we and have we rained down on others, how many innocent civilians have we killed over the years. So, a little bit of karma, what goes around comes around. (I know, unpopular opinion). And this country has gotten so hateful. 100,000 people signed a petition to try and prevent Mamdani from attending the ceremony this year. He was a 9 year old American boy when it happened. Are we supposed to also not remember and honor the innocent muslims who also died that day?
Get the app! Free! Easy! Very, very good.
DeleteI don't really believe in karma so much as I believe that if you treat people like shit for decades, eventually they're going to try and get revenge. And I guess you could call that karma. I don't know. Do you remember when Bill Maher got pretty much canceled for a long time because he said that the guys who took over the planes were not cowards at all. It took guts to suicide mission themselves like that. He was NOT saying he admired them but just pointing out the truth. The aftermath of 9/11 got so weird so quickly. I mean, even weirder than it already was. Everyone was flying American flags and prepping for attacks and then Bush took us to war and it was all just insane. But I suppose an insane reaction to an insane event was to be expected. And yes, prejudice against Muslims escalated to an insane level and it is still with us. Americans just love to have someone to hate.
so true!
DeleteI still remember watching the news all day. It was horrendous and my husband was in the air when it happened. I made him drive home from Vancouver because I just needed my family to be together that day, to know that they were all ok. They weren't ok but I didn't know that at the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm still sick, husband is sick now too and Jack has a fever again. We are the house of the sick right now.
I can remember that feeling of wanting all of my family to be together too. It was a powerful feeling.
DeleteI'm sorry y'all are living in the house of the sick now. Ugh. I hope you get better soon, honey.
That is an astonishing variety of birds on your Merlin app -- more than I have ever seen on mine here. I guess living in a city cuts down somewhat on the diversity of species! That pileated woodpecker call is familiar to me too and hearing it takes me right back to Florida in my mind.
ReplyDeleteOne of my memories of 9/11 was a sense of dueling responsibilities. I was in the news business, so part of me felt I should go down there and try to do some reporting, but part of me said there were a million reporters there already and I dreaded being asked to go. My boss and I both stayed out of it and I'm so glad we did, given what was later revealed about the unbreathable air on the site. (Even though the authorities kept telling us at the time the air wasn't dangerous.) I did go to the Javits center and try to volunteer but they had more people than they knew what to do with, so I wound up going to North Carolina on a planned vacation (thank god for trains) and it was probably the best thing for me at the time. I remember crying when I saw the altered skyline from New Jersey.
Steve, it is so hard for me to imagine you living in New York when that happened. And yet- you certainly did. I can absolutely understand your very mixed emotions about what you should be doing. There does reach a point where too many reporters and journalists are simply getting in the way and how much information that no one else got could you have gotten?
DeleteWhat a terrible position to be in.
I can absolutely relate to your tears upon seeing that empty place in the skyline.
Empty skies.
I lived in the Village then - and I very distinctly remember thinking Rudy was absolutely full of it when he said the air was safe - simply because it was far too soon for anyone to know that. I resurrected my "online journal" post from that day and reposted and it definitely brought it all back.
DeleteI noticed when they were reading the names of those that died that so many of the names were difficult to pronounce as someone in their family or maybe them had come from other countries around the world at some point in time. And it made me wonder how anyone can hate immigrants since we are all immigrants here.
ReplyDeleteWE ARE ALL IMMIGRANTS HERE unless we are descendants of the Indigenous People.
DeleteAs I said in another reply above, we Americans just love to have someone to hate. I guess it all goes back to the same behaviors and beliefs that the great apes have about other apes who are not of their tribe.They are threats.
We are still operating on that level.
It was the morning of the 12th over here, and I was getting my toddler breakfast before a busy day and the radio was on - I heard bits and thought "now that is the WORST movie synopsis I have ever heard" before I realised it was the news, not a review. The world did change that day.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it was like the worst movie synopsis ever. And just as unbelievable.
Delete9/11 as horrifying as it was, showed us a new reality. Life in the US will never be the same. Even though 25 years have passed, the memory is clear as though it was yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI also like the Merlin app. You have a good diverse selection of birds in your yard.
Susan
I remember that day so clearly. Lunchtime for us, my mother, my 6mth 1st baby and I. We had the news on, ready to listen to the weather report, just as normal; and as a treat Mum had bought Marks and Spencer’s giant prawns with garlic mayonnaise. My spouse was in Dallas on business, my sister in law working a flight to New York. We saw the second plane…and knew that the world wouldn’t be the same, ever. My cottage was in the south of England, and we just threw clothes, necessities, the baby, dogs, cat,in the landrover and headed North, home to the farm. I can’t explain, it was some kind of homing instinct, perhaps? I’m known for being …solid..in a crisis, calm, practical, so guess I was…kind of! But North we went and didn’t stop until we got through the farmhouse door. Husband uncontactable, sister in law diverted to Halifax. My fear for my newborn child was so visceral. I HAD to keep him SAFE. We knew so many people at Cantor and Eurotraders who were killed that day, though we didn’t know it in the moment.
ReplyDeleteIt’s hard to look back and remember those feelings.