So Much In My Heart Today

I do believe the gumbo I made yesterday was the best I've ever made. It was so damn good that when I was tasting it before it was quite ready to eat, I thought it to be so delicious that I almost forgot to put the shrimp in which you only do at the last minute because shrimp just need a tiny bit of heat to cook. Otherwise, they become dry and stringy. As you can see, these shrimp look plump and luscious.
They were. 
I am so glad that I made it last night and can share it with Mr. Moon tonight. I can definitely cook under the influence of a martini or two but it's a lovely treat to not have to worry about it. 
And the bread turned out to be not so bad at all. A little dense, but not brick-like. 
Glen is home and I am so glad. I can tell this is all wearing on him in a way I've never seen anything wear on him before. He just realized today that his hunting trip to Canada is coming up soon- the 14th of this month, so only twelve days away. Honestly, I've never been so glad to think about him leaving the country to go do whatever it is that those men do with guns and dogs while wearing camo. I want him to just be in a place where he has no responsibilities to fulfill. Where he can eat manly foods and make manly conversation, and, well... do manly things with other manly men who, I do believe, are all good guys. And since one of them is an ER doc, I feel just that tiny bit better. 

I've had a fine day. I actually went to town for the tiniest bit of shopping. I didn't even get in touch with any of the kids because I left here after lunch time and wanted to slide in and slide out, incognito. 
Well, not really. But you know what I mean. 
The only sort of "fun" shopping I did was to stop by Oak Tree treasures where I bought a silk shirt and a cool basket and two nice napkins made of linen with one corner per each made of tatting. I plan on using the basket to try and organize some of my knitting and crocheting materials which at this point, are spread among several bags and small baskets with absolutely no sense of order. 
That was my rationalization for buying it, anyway. And the price did not break the bank. 

I had an unexpected exchange today via FB messenger with the daughter of one of my brothers. She is my only niece. I know I don't talk about my brothers much and the reason for that is because we are either estranged or mostly estranged from each other. I have talked about this before. I wish I could give you reasons for these estrangements and I do have a few thoughts on why one brother and I rarely talk, but as for the other two, I am honestly not sure what happened but it happened after Mother died and it involved the will and money, of course, as these things always do. 
I believe the financial stuff becomes the fetid boil which began to grow and fester many, many years before when you are raised in a family as dysfunctional as ours was. 
But I had not been in touch with this beautiful girl for many years and she's all grown up now and living in another state far away and I sent her a friend request on Facebook which she did answer with an acceptance. 
That was a while ago but today, we actually began to communicate. She reached out to me and was very tentative at first which I quickly realized was due to the whole will/money thing and as I told her, I honestly wasn't sure what the entire problem had been and that we should have dealt with it right away but that somehow, Glen and I had deeply hurt both of my younger brothers, the boys I consider to have been my first babies. And I told her that whatever we had done, I know it had hurt my brothers terribly and for that I was so very sorry. 
And by god, I am. 
To think that we have been so out of touch for so long because of something I'm not even sure about but which I do not doubt caused great pain to my brothers. 
But within a few message paragraphs, my niece and I seem to have come to an understanding, at least and my soul was so much more at rest. I told her that I had just thought about her yesterday, as a matter of fact, and how, when she was a little girl, she had sat at my kitchen island and looked around at all the colorful and funky and whimsical stuff I had hanging on the walls and on shelves and she sighed and said, "When I grow up, I want to have a house just like this."
I told my niece today that nothing either before or since has charmed me quite so much. 
And then she told me that she'd read my blog post about that more than once and she still wants a house just like this one.
Oh my heart! 
Oh my darling girl!  
I think of the wasted time, thirteen years between my mother's death and now. Thirteen years of my niece and her brother, my nephew, growing up. Thirteen years of not being in close contact with her father, her mother, and the brother who is a year younger than her dad who has been completely incommunicado since that time. 

This is some fucked-up shit. 
(Niece- if you are reading this you obviously know by now that I curse frequently. I am your profane and blasphemous aunt.)

Here's a picture of my niece and my nephew when they came to spend the night here. 

This has given me the motivation I need to call my brother, her daddy, to make a date to at least have lunch. 

How incredibly twisted and ridiculously foolish and truly and horribly hurt and hurtful we humans can be. Bless our tender beating hearts. 

Dear Niece- thank you. 

Happy Friday, y'all. 

Love...Aunt Mary, Ms. Moon