I woke up this morning to an empty house save for Maurice. I'd had a horrible dream and was just shaking with taste of it still in my mouth. I did not have one bad dream in Roseland or if I did, I can't remember. But this dream- oh god. I was angry, I was hurt, I was anxious, I was afraid, I was devastated, I was rocked by real events from my past which had morphed into nightmare proportions and no, for once, the stepfather was not a part of any of it.
I have felt the dream's effect all day long, making me sad for myself, that I have hung on to some of the things that have happened to me that I feel I should have gotten over years and years ago but obviously, I have not, and I think it is that realization which affected me more than the dream itself. These are things not nearly as traumatic as childhood abuse but the older I get, the more I realize that some things are deeply, deeply painful and can settle into one's psyche like some sort of vile parasite, impossible to get rid of.
The house was empty because Mr. Moon had gone to help Vergil get a deer out of the woods that he'd shot. Vergil was raised vegetarian but now eats meat and he prefers that the meat he and his family eat is mainly venison that he or Glen bring in and process themselves. And so it's a big deal when Vergil gets his deer and I respect the hell out of him for learning how to do that. Glen has been his mentor and he loves to help Vergil with the heavy work.
So I figured out that my husband was in the woods and so that was okay- he had not abandoned me. The two men got in from the woods and did all the things required to do after a deer is taken and which I mostly pretend is NOT happening because like most of the "civilized" world, I would prefer to think that meat doesn't really involve the death of a fellow creature but that it magically appears on plates in restaurants and on neatly wrapped trays in the grocery store.
While they were out there doing the things, I made them a sort of egg pie with vegetables and ham, which was nicely sliced and wrapped from the deli section, and cheese. When they had finished their work they came in and ate that along with toast and butter and last year's peach preserves. They were hungry and I was glad to be able to feed them.
I spent about an hour in the garden this afternoon, weeding my rows of greens and lettuces. Well, I guess lettuces are greens, aren't they? Salad greens and cooking greens, I suppose I should say although the line gets crossed there frequently, especially when it comes to salads and things like spicy mustard greens which are delicious cooked or raw, and kale, because it too can be used either way.
The marigolds are STILL blooming profusely.
I have no idea who the character in this costume is except that it is Disney related.
I do think, however, that we know who is IN the costume.
I haven't seen the grands in well over a week and I have a feeling they've all grown at least an inch or so in that time.
I am hoping that all of us have good dreams tonight with no hauntings from the past. We get an extra hour of sleep, should we want it, and that sounds lovely to me although I will NOT enjoy it getting dark so early. Jessie is working a night shift tonight and so instead of twelve hours, she'll be there thirteen hours. Somehow this does not seem fair. It's so odd to me how we humans have decided that we can change the clocks and thus, throw off our entire body clocks simply because WE CAN!
And I know I have not been speaking about our government lately but I will assure you that I hate that orange piece of demented shit more with every passing day and I did not even know that was possible.
A Gatsby party at Mar-A-Lago while people are trying to figure out how to put food on the table and keep their health insurance?
The cruelty to and complete disregard of the citizens he made so many promises to in order to get elected is staggering.
Rome burns while Nero fiddles. And oh, I could say so much more but I'd rather just go make some cornbread.
Be kind to yourself.
Love...Ms. Moon
