Meanderings And Magnolias. Also Narcissists

That's what the magnolia blossom looked like this morning when I got up. Just starting to open again. 
I woke up late because, as I told my husband, I'd been busy trying to take care of the world after the apocalypse. Or at least, our part of it. 
"How'd you do that?" asked Glen.
"Well, it took doing a lot of laundry," I said. 
I'd also been taking care of a baby Levon in my dream, throughout the apocalypse of course. But then I realized that this was not the actual baby Levon I was so tenderly tending, but a Levon doll. It mystified me as to how I could still love this doll so very much but I did. And then it hit me- where was the real baby Levon? Was he in horrible danger?
There were an awful lot of assorted animals running around, some of them quite large. A bison and an elephant are two that I remember. I guess they got lost due to the world-wide panic.
There were a lot of scary-looking planes flying in formation overhead. 
But yes, also a lot of laundry. 

It's no wonder I'm exhausted all the damn time. 

And I was tired today. Despite my grand plan to work outside and despite the fact that a very, very welcome rain came to us last night and it was cooler today, I just couldn't. For one thing, my hips hurt so much that the thought of bending over to pull things out of the dirt seemed undoable. 
So I made the Sunday breakfast and did a crossword and some laundry and even worked on my jigsaw puzzle a little bit. Read some of a New Yorker. I remembered the Sabbath Day and I kept it holy. 
Or at least wholly without labor. 

The magnolia by the time we ate our biscuits, grits, eggs, and sausage. The biscuits were especially good today. I have no idea why. 

I checked the garden when I went to dump the compost and I am almost certain that baby beans will be on the vines by the end of the week. The blossoms are profuse. This is a cheering thought. I believe we may be eating squash by next weekend, too. Same with bell and banana peppers. Or a few, at least. It's time for me to pull the collards and the kale. We are losing the war against bugs on them and I need to pull up all of the cabbage that isn't heading. After all my hopes and dreams for that pretty purple cabbage, I'll be lucky to get two decent heads of it. 

A few hours later.

So did you hear about the parade Trump is planning for his birthday? Ostensibly it's for Flag Day or some other bullshit but we all know the truth. Forty-five million dollars this narcissistic would-be king or pope or Jesus or emperor or supreme ruler is going to spend on this travesty of patriotism. 
You know, I really had no knowledge of what narcissists were until I was in my forties. I figured it was just people who were in love with themselves to the extent that they went around thinking they were the greatest all the time. I had a friend whom I later realized was a Queen Narcissist who actually and truly said, "One day I just woke up and fell in love with myself."
And she didn't mean it in the mental-healthy way. 
So eventually I figured out that she was a narcissist and then I started analyzing my relationship with my mother and realized that she had some of the traits for sure which is one of the things that made it very difficult for us to have any sort of healthy relationship. And of course I worry all the time that I, too, am a narcissist whose main goal in life is to have everyone love me and recognize me for the incredibly wonderful person I am and also for everyone to know how much I have SUFFERED! 
While at the same time I do really suffer from thoughts of self-loathing approximately ten out of fifteen waking hours daily if not more. 
Yes, I do sleep nine hours a night. You see what a sloth I am?

I have mixed feelings about Anne Lamott and her writing but she did say something once that I've never forgotten and absolutely understand perfectly. She said, "I am the piece of shit the world revolves around." 
Yes. Like that. 

But Donald Trump has absolutely no qualms about announcing his greatness, his intelligence, his beautiful physical appearance, his unbelievable ability to figure out problems that none of the experts can, his absolute inability to make mistakes, his innocence in every thing he's been accused of, including the ones for which he crimed himself into a federal offense or the one in which he assaulted a woman or actually, the many times he was proven to have sexually assaulted a woman, his amazing skill at golf, and you know- the list goes on. 

But here's the really psycho part- he honestly believes the lies he creates to prove his greatness. 

If there's a better representation of "The Emperor Has No Clothes" than Donald Trump, I've never heard of it. And I honestly think that the Donald believes he is not only wearing clothes, he is wearing the best clothes. Clothes like you've never seen before. 

And of course he surrounds himself with people and things that confirm his delusions, from ass-kissing cabinet members to the tacky "gold" shit he's "decorated" the oval office with. 
So what I'm saying, I guess, is that although one may not always be sure who the narcissists in our own lives are, we don't need any assistance in doing a little quick diagnosis of our own when it comes to the orange intestine. 

In FACT, he may be the very greatest narcissist in the history of the world. He narcissists like you've never seen before. Scientists are all coming to him saying, "Sir, sir! How do possibly narcissist so well?" 

This. This is what a magnolia grandiflora bloom looks like. 

It is a little more than nine inches in diameter here. There is no measuring device for the scent of it though. I would use descriptive words like "intoxicating" or "heady" or "rapturous" or "enchanting" but (a) those are cliches which do not begin to describe it, and (b) just trust me- you would love it.

All right. I'm going to go make a chicken salad for our supper. I've picked some arugula, Indian basil, and Mexican basil to spice it up. These too smell...
Delicious? Is that what I'm looking for? 
I think perhaps it is. 

Meanwhile, here's the magnolia starting to close up for the night. 

It may give me another day of beauty. I hope so.

Love...Ms. Moon