Sunday, August 31, 2014

You Know Me- Poop And Sleep And Stars And Dirt


This, my friends, is why I generally wear shoes in the garden. Have you ever seen feet that dirty? I had to wash them outside in the hose with the dish soap. They were that bad.
I hadn't really thought to work in the garden. I was having the absolute most lazy day and hadn't accomplished one damn thing after making those pancakes.
Which is fine.
My husband and I shared a little quality time and I took a nap that was like sinking to the depths of the Mariana Trench and when I woke up, I would not have been surprised to discover that Owen was now in college and had a beard and that Chelsea Clinton was the president of the United States of North and South America.

I sat on the couch for a little while and moaned that possibly I was NOW getting sore and I didn't know what was wrong with me and played a little Words With Friends with Mr. Moon who was sitting two feet away from me, happily ensconced in his new chair watching golf on the TV which to my mind is like watching napkin folding only not quite as interesting.

And then I decided that I really needed to go and clean out the hen house and so I went outside and gave the chickens fresh water and realized that one of my waterers' valves is broken and I have to buy a new one and I forgot to clean out the hen house and started weeding and there is something just so incredibly enjoyable about weeding to me while listening to an audio book. Especially this time of year when the weeds are large and easily pulled and the result of my work is so much more quickly apparent. The feel of the plant as the roots lose their grip, the tossing of it into the old canning kettle I use to collect them in. I fed some of the weeds I'd pulled to the goats next door and they were happy. I figure that by October when it will be time to plant the lettuces and the greens, I will have the entire garden weeded and that thought fills me with great joy.
My wrist and my CD gave out at about the same time and as I was walking back to the house I suddenly remembered the poop in the hen house and so I did that little chore and spread out the old poopy straw on part of the garden and then came in,  shed myself of my overalls, scrubbed my hands and arms down feeling like a surgeon, took that picture, washed my feet.

Mr. Moon and our neighbor are out in the twilight time, shooting arrows at a target and I am going to make what has become one of my most favorite meals which is the bastardized Eggs Benedict from eggs gathered this very day.

So. It has been a very, very fine day and not just for a Sunday, either.
A day of rest. A day of love. A day of laughing and of appreciation and tomorrow will probably be a good day too. The boys are coming in the afternoon and I can't wait to show them the box they can play in which the new chair came in. Owen was just saying how great a big box was to play with.


Nicey likes it too. She pecked at the blue Z there to see if it was something good to eat. It was not, sadly.

Let's face it- I am a simple woman and it is the simplest things which make me happy. Dirt and chickens, love and sleep. Eggs with spinach and cheese and mushrooms. My house, my trees, my flowers, my grands. I'm almost through listening to the Jonathan Franzen novel and as it ends, the characters think about their many regrets and I feel so very lucky that my regrets are as few as they are. I have them, of course, as every human being must, but overall, I can consider them in the light of the vastness of the universe and I can live with them. I will have more, no doubt, as time goes on but if I can remember to look up at the sky, the oaks, to look out upon the oceans and down to the very dirt and out to the very stars we come from and return to, it'll be all right.

Amen, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon

Sunday Rant And Also Pictures


That's a blooming lily in my little garden bed beside the kitchen. It knocks me out.

Sunday. Yeah. Whatever.

The pancakes were epic. Sweet potato, peach and pecan.

All right- here's another thing about Facebook I hate- everyone wants to gain complete knowledge on a subject by watching one fifty-second video. Or one half-truthful tiny article. No one, it would seem, wants to actually like, research anything. And of course no one wants to be open-minded about anything. Nope. Everyone has an opinion and can find that fifty-second video to prove it and they post that and there you go.
Told you I was right!
Case in point. GMO's. Bad. Right? All the right-thinking people say so. And it sure does seem wrong. Injecting genes into plants? Patenting those plants? Controlling the market of them? Unnatural and weird. Yes indeed.
But last week I took the time to read an article in the New Yorker. It took me all afternoon because the boys were here and I just tucked the magazine into my back pocket, folded up, and pulled it out and read every time they got involved in something which did not require my complete attention. It's not a short article. You can read it here, if you have any desire whatsoever and you probably don't. But the point of the matter is that the article goes into some detail about a few different sorts of genetically modified crops and how they can very much increase the outcome of harvest and points out that the world is facing a severe hunger problem and that creating plants which need less water, less pesticides and less fertilizer is not necessarily a bad thing.
I'm not saying that everything printed in the New Yorker is unbiased and scientifically true, I'm just saying that the articles are written after a lot of research and interviewing and thought. And an article like that requires some damn pages and a lot of words and it takes some time to read them.
So after I read the article I realized several things, one being that this is not a black-and-white issue and that we here in the United States (or at least a lot of us) do indeed have the luxury of being able to afford and eat non-GMO food if we so choose. Although I do realize that labeling is a real issue. I saw a blurb on FB about "how to afford non-GMO food," and the comments posted under it were so damn preachy-preachy. "You tell me you can't afford to eat non-GMO and I see you putting junk food and beer in your cart and I know that's not true."
Say what?
Another thing it made me realize is that I don't know shit about the science of the whole matter. Really. I don't. But if I want to made judgements, I need to learn something. I can't just blindly strike out and call Monsanto evil. They may well be. Or they may end up saving the planet. I don't know.
What I do know is that if people spent a lot less time on FB (and I'm including myself here) and a little more time in the dirt, they could grow some of their own non-GMO food themselves.
Even someone with only a small patio can grow a few tomatoes and peppers in pots.
But no, we all want someone else to grow our food and they damn well better grow it the way nature intended, and be affordable (but certainly not on factory farms), but of course, nothing we eat today is anything like what our Paleo ancestors ate because everything has been altered by humans in one way or another and selectively bred over the eons for more yield, more sweetness, more of the part of the plant we want. Throw in the fact that we humans have changed the very atmosphere and soil of the planet and you have a whole other ball of wax to consider.
Come to think about it, probably only wild game and fungi are relatively unchanged although of course, the wild game we eat feed on different sorts of wild grains and nuts and grasses than the wild game back tens of thousands of years ago.

Well, anyway. I don't know shit as I have pointed out so many times already.

But at least I KNOW I don't know shit and that leaves me at least a tiny bit of mind-space to try and learn a little bit.

And yes, I do realize that I am being preachy-preachy and judgemental myself. This are not qualities about myself which I am proud of. But I am also not a person to take anything on blind faith whether that be religion or shit on Facebook.

Okay. Rant over. For now.

Surprisingly, I have no real bruising resulting from my fall. Is that weird? I think so. Also, I'm barely sore. I must be an excellent faller. I'm so proud of myself.
We should all be good at something.

I got the real camera out this morning because it's a beautiful day. It rained last night and everything is looking especially shiny and fine.


Not sure what this plant is but the blossom looks like fireworks to me.


Crepe myrtle, oak tree, Spanish moss, and resurrection fern.


Light in sago palm fronds.


Buddha, happy no matter what.


Pine cone lily blossom before it reddens. 


Elvis in about-to-crow mode.


Missy. Still broody. Sitting on exactly NO eggs. But fiercely.


Mermaids in my bathroom.

Happy Sunday from Lloyd, y'all. Or at least, a Sunday which is as good as a Sunday can be. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Kinda Okay

You know, today has been one of the best days I've had recently. I almost wonder if I accidentally knocked my head out of my ass when I fell last night. Sort of a unconventional treatment for head-up-the-assedness syndrome.

I got a lot of stuff done around here and then I went on into town and dropped off a little present for Hank that I'd bought him along with a dozen eggs. The present was a book which he had adored as a child. We got it in the Monticello library when he was about three years old and he checked it out so often that the librarian finally ripped the library sticker out and handed it to him.
"Anyone who loves a book this much should own it," she said, and I fell in love with her and we were friends for years.
The book was one of Lois Lenki's and I love all of her books. Their simplicity of word and illustration and design seem so perfect to me. This particular one was entitled "Mr. and Mrs. Noah" and is the story of Noah's Ark.



That's Mr. Noah, directing the insects and bugs onto the ark.

Anyway, Hank didn't remember the book which was sort of funny because I remembered it so well. But he likes it and I'm glad I got it for him. 
And my librarian friend? We're friends on Facebook now and I'm friends with her daughter whom I used to take care of during the days back when I lived in that little house in the woods that I wrote about a few weeks ago.  She and Hank and May used to run around naked like the little beautiful heathens they were and they were all the best of friends. The daughter recently had a baby and she lives in France and it is so sweet to be able to see pictures of that child, her mama, her grandmama. 

I went to the library and ran into my darling Kati and checked out new books and then I took myself to lunch and got a falafel pita because I'd been craving one but it wasn't as good as I remembered. The counter girl was darling though. She told me she was really tired. That she'd been there since 9:30 and would be there until 10:00 tonight. 
"I'm sorry," I said and I was, meanwhile wondering why people tell me these things.
"It's okay," she said. "I have to eat!"
And when she asked for my name I told her "Mary" and when she brought me my sandwich she said, "Here you go, Miss Mary!" and I was charmed. 

I was going to get chicken scratch but who knew the feed store closed on Saturday afternoon? What's up with that? So on to Publix where Lily was working and I bought stuff for the men to eat while watching The Game tonight. Wings and stuff to make nachos and all those vegetables that you dip into blue cheese dressing to negate any possible vegetable nutrients which might be lurking in the celery, the carrots, the cucumbers, the snow peas. And beer. I bought beer. Lily bagged my groceries and walked me to the car and we got to chat a moment and we hugged and hugged. 

But now here's something funny. The ad that was in my shopping cart:


It was mystifying. REAL MEAT it says. And yet, 100% plant protein. 
Say what? This is confusing. I just checked out their website. 
I'm still somewhat confused. I mean, I know it's 100% plant protein (and gluten-free AND Kosher AND vegan) so how can it be real meat? Like...nut meat is nut meat? Plant meat is plant meat? And it has MORINGA in it. What the hell is moringa? And bottle brush herb. And sea buckthorn. 
Good Lord. I shall most definitely have to try this. For all I know, I am dangerously low on moringa, bottle brush herb and sea buckthorn. 
I am pretty sure this is not something that my grandparents would have recognized as food which Michael Pollan tells us is a product to avoid. But curiosity truly does impel one to check this shit out. 
Maybe. 

Anyway, here's a picture of a happy man in his new chair. 


You want to know something funny? When I went to take his picture, he was putting a scope on his hunting rifle. This was a little too close to my prophecy of us having shotguns leaned up against the front door and I made him put the gun down ON THE COUCH! Now he's gone to go pick up his four-wheeler at the auto repair shop down the block. Yes. Lloyd has an auto repair shop and it's a damn good one. And last night? He told me that he is going to start drag racing again. He used to do it in high school without his parents' permission or even knowledge until he got busted when his mother went to get something out of his trunk and found a bunch of trophies he'd won. 
My husband. 
God. I love him. 

Here's a picture of the newest zinnia blooms on my hallway altar


where it sits with some of my most beloved sacred icons.

I send them to you, those simple, sweet, brightly colored blossoms. Soon they will be replaced by the pine cone lilies and I'll send those your way when that happens. 

The seasons progress. 

Much love...Ms. Moon

Disaster Averted By Butt Cheek

I fell flat on my ass last night. Well, on the left side of my ass. It could have been bad.
I'd bought a large bottle of the sort of shower spray I like to use to put in the spray bottle I like and after I finished my shower last night I went to pick up the shower spray, realized it was almost empty and decided to step out of the shower and fill it up. I wrapped the towel around me, took a step off the rug, my foot slipped out from under me and I went DOWN.
One of those so-fast, so hard falls you just lay there and think, "Well. This could be bad."
After just a second I realized that nothing felt broken and that I still had use of all limbs and joints so I got up and filled the bottle and sprayed the shower and thanked my lucky stars and hoped that I wasn't internally hemorrhaging.
I guess I don't have osteoporosis yet because if I did, that hip would have been snapped. And possibly my elbow which also hit the tile. And I'm pretty sure I'm not internally hemorrhaging.
Everything feels a little jangled today, not bad, and I figure the soreness will set in tomorrow.

Jesus. I'm old.

So it's Saturday morning and we're moving slowly around here. Mr. Moon is heading to town to do about ten thousand things including picking up his new chair which is cause for huge and great excitement and if all goes well he can watch the football game from it tonight. Don't ask me what football game because I DON'T KNOW! I think FSU may be involved. It takes real concentration and focus to not know what's going on in the football world around here or maybe it's just complete denial and selective hearing. Whatever. I practice it.

The chickens are running around, Trixie is singing her little song, Maurice is napping after a long night of sleeping and then a little jungle hunting and bug pouncing. The humidity is 99% today and it's supposed to get up into the nineties, temperature-wise but I'd still like to work in the garden some. I think I might go to the library and the feed store, pick up some more books and chicken scratch. Too bad you can't do both of those things in the same building. That would be awesome. Maybe that's what we should do with the old historic store in Lloyd. Open a library and feed store.
Yeah. And when I say "we" I mean...someone else.

All right. I'm going to take this old bruised bag of still-intact bones and get moving with it.

Watch your step. Keep doing weight bearing exercise. And as my grandfather always told me, "Don't get old." To which I always replied (in my mind), I'm working on it.

Love...Ms. Moon



Friday, August 29, 2014

Blurry Pictures. Life Moves Fast



Owen cleaning the front porch. Gibson eating three slices of bread at once that he was supposed to be feeding to the chickens.

Yeah. It's good.

Well, This Is What My Friday Looks Like

Miss Eggy Tina just walked through the dog door onto the porch, cackling about it. Then she left back out the way she came in after a quick look-around. I can just see it now- chickens all over the house, dropping eggs in various bowls, baskets, and on pillows on the couch, hopping up on the dinner table when we eat. Next thing you know, I'll have a damn washing machine on the front porch and half the cars in the yard will be up on blocks, shotguns will be leaning up against the front door and we'll be wearing long underwear in lieu of other clothing, the armpit sweat stains permanently in place because of course the washing machine on the porch won't work.


(It's Me, It's Me! Earnest T! Earnest T. Bass from the Andy Griffith Show)

Well. Maybe not.

Sometimes though, I worry that something like this could very much happen. 

My walk this morning was a torture. By the two and three-quarters mile mark I would have stopped, laid down in the weeds beside the road and called a cab if that had been an option. Since it wasn't, I just picked up the pace and got it done. I'm listening to a Jonathan Franzen novel on audio as I walk ("Freedom") and I always get Franzen and Michael Chabon mixed up, just as I get Selma Hayek (Mr. Moon's girlfriend) confused with Penelope Cruz (not Mr. Moon's girlfriend) and also Andie McDowell and Mary Steinburgen. I mean seriously, I have to think about it every time. Anyway, the Franzen novel does go on, picky picky problems of reasonably well-off and educated white people, whatever. I guess I like it okay. And I can hardly complain. 
The name of my blog instead of "Blessourhearts" could easily be "Picky, Picky Problems Of A Reasonably Well Off And Educated Old White Woman."

Well, I don't really have any problems now that the dogs are gone except for the chemical problems in my head and we all know that mental illness is nothing but the picky, picky problem of a white person with no real life and that I could definitely just pull up my bootstraps and goddam it! DECIDE to be happy! because we all have that choice, right, and according to every fucking meme I read on the Facebook, no one is in charge of my happiness but me but I'm not really talking about happiness here, but merely the desire not to be a damn snakecluster of crazythought. 

Well, we shall persist in doing the chemical therapy, the chicken therapy, the exercise therapy, the positive thinking therapy, the gratefulness therapy and the dirt therapy. 
Martinis will also be employed tonight in a sort of therapy and it occurs to me that I never did find and pick and eat mushrooms and I haven't given up on the idea and I still think it's worth a shot.

So what's on YOUR mind today? What sort of therapy are you employing? 
The grandsons will be here soon. I better go make the bed so they can mess it up, get the kitchen all straightened up so we can trash it again. They better be ready with some kisses because I sure do need some. 

Maurice says Hey! 
That's a lie. 

Happy Friday, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon


Thursday, August 28, 2014

Well, I Think Dinner Will Taste Good

I'm drinking a Sam Adam's seasonal release beer from the season of last Christmas which has been in our refrigerator since then. No one wanted to try the Cherry Chocolate Bock and Mr. Moon finally said, "Oh, just drink it," and so I opened it and if I had to define it, I would say that people who have a deep fondness for cough syrup might enjoy it. But hell, Martha, who am I to waste a beer?

I have a giant iron skillet simmering with a whole bunch of peppers from the garden and one small eggplant all diced up and a giant sweet onion and garlic and a package of sweet basil chicken sausages from the Trader Joe's all sliced up along with a jar of Trader Joe's pasta sauce. Oh- and some artichoke hearts too. Mr. Moon is home from finally finishing up that siding AND selling a car AND getting a nice trade-in. He was happy about all of that and told me how nice the woman was who bought the car and how glad he was that he could make her happy.

I know I've said this before but when my husband first broached the idea of selling cars as a business to me I said, "You can't do that, you're too honest."

Huh. Well.

Turns out people really like honest car dealers.

I could go on for hours about my husband. About what a truly fine man he is. How he's not afraid of any challenge, how he treats people, all people, with respect. How he's strong and how he's gentle. How much it makes my heart happy to see him with his grandsons.
How very hard he's worked for thirty years to show me that a man can be trusted. That dreams can come true.
I almost believe him at this point. He is steadfast and true. And he can still make me laugh. And swoon. Honest to god.

I've had a quiet day. Didn't put up any siding or sell anything to anybody. I did some house-wife stuff and then I got in my office and tried to pick up the novel I'm supposedly working on and as with my walk this morning, every word like every step I took, was difficult and hard and required all of my energy. I never once slipped the bounds of time or space to go into that place which is timeless and free that happens when the good writing is going on.
I have my doubts that I can ever go there again.
I despair.

After several not-quite but almost agonizing hours of putting one foot in front of the other, metaphorically at least, the truth being one word in front of another, I finally shut 'er down and went out to the garden because I said I would and I pulled weeds and picked the peppers and eggplant. Maurice came out and tried to make a game of me pulling the weeds and her attacking me but she tired of it quickly and retreated to the porch to laze and dream. I baked a loaf of bread that's probably going to be way too sturdy and hearty with crunchy grains but what the hell? We'll eat it.

Missy moved back out to the pump house again. I put her in the basket again. She is most definitely in the brood-coma although I did see her eat and drink this morning. I know her eggs can't be fertile- she hasn't gotten off the nest long enough to be fertilized. She sits with her eyes open, her head down, obeying nature's commands to her without thought or logic. My job is not to dissuade her but to keep her as safe as possible through this period of hormonal insanity.
Not at all unlike being the mother of a teenager, as I recall from being both a teenager and the mother of teenagers.

I've finished that beer. It sucked but I feel a little more relaxed. Probably like people who are fond of cherry cough syrup feel when they've hit that particular nostrum's bottle.

Time to go make the salad, boil the pasta, slice the bread.

Oh- one more thing- I have my appointment with the orthopedist to see about my wrist next week and the office called me to remind me and to inform me that if I wanted to, I could pre-do my paperwork for the medical history by going to the website and doing it online. And so I did. You just click on the "Patient Portal" button and you're presented with an entire whole history form to fill out and so I filled it out, once more realizing how incredibly lucky I am in my health history (knock wood) and it was so weird and there was a warning that the site was created for Internet Explorer and if you were using any other web browser, to be aware of that. Meaning? If I was using Chrome my history could be read by anyone in the whole world with an internet connection? Was I stupid for filling it out and submitting it?
You tell me.
I'm allergic to sulfa drugs. There.

I better go get supper on the table for my hard-working husband.

See you tomorrow...Ms. Moon



Being Still


Such a beautiful day. I know that "out there" things are so crazy and I'm sorry, I can't even begin to talk with any knowledge about any of it. I suppose I have truly come to a place in my life where I don't feel as if I can do a damn thing about a damn thing except perhaps what is right here.


I'm going to go work in my garden. I'm sick and tired of the poor excuses for lettuce and greens I am finding in the stores and I want to get ready for the fall planting of my own. 

That is about all I feel capable of at this moment and barely capable of that. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Moon May Be In Broody

Lily and I had more fun than one would reasonably think that two women could have merely doing some shopping but I'm telling you the truth- we did. We laughed at all the junk food in Trader Joe's which, because you know- it's organic or "natural" people probably eat thinking it's good for them but condensed cane juice is sugar, y'all, and there's no getting around it. We bought some produce and looked longly at the purple roses and all the beers and the guy at the cash register was darling and when we left, he said, "You ladies have a nice day!"
And we did.
We trundled on over to Costco and were both starving and they weren't sampling one damn thing so we bought our berries and olive oil and cucumbers and green beans and didn't buy one crazy thing. We were good girls.
Then we went to her house and put all the cold stuff in her refrigerator and grabbed up Gibson and went and picked up Owen from school. He was happy to see me there and showed me around his school and I met his lovely teacher and met a few of his classmates, Martin and Brian.
We got in the van and drove to JAPANICA! the sushi, noodle restaurant with the cozy sofa and we spent some time on that sofa, the boys and I. The sofa is in the bar area which is pretty much deserted during the day and there's a disco ball in there too. Owen told me he was going to have his birthday party there which sounds like an excellent idea to me. Far better than Chuck E. Cheese or Cheeze or whatever that rodent crackhouse is because not only is the food a hell of a lot better but there's a full bar AND the disco ball AND the world's comfiest couch so I was all about that.
I told Lily of this plan and she wasn't so sure about it. "Who's going to pay for that?" she asked.
"Everyone can pay for their own," I said.
She looked at me skeptically.
Well. I think it's a good idea. What five-year old wouldn't want his birthday party in a Japanese steakhouse bar? It's PERFECT!
We looked at the fish in the restaurant (two different tanks!) and the swords on the walls and the pictures of sumo wrestlers which Owen insists are women. "Those aren't really titties," I told him. "They're just really large men with big chests."
Then HE looked at me skeptically.
No one believes me.

After our delicious lunch I collected all my groceries from Lily and got about a hundred kisses and came home and it occurred to me that my whole attitude and mood had changed. I was feeling so much better than yesterday. Incredibly better. The change in weather seem to portend good things rather than simply remind me of what can never be retrieved and I felt so stupid and yet, not stupid, that I am at the mercy of such a flow of emotions and chemicals as I am. And I washed dishes and made the bed and that looked so good I laid down and took a nap and when I woke up, I felt a bit...not so great again but better than yesterday, oh yes, still better, and why, oh why, is it like this?
I have no idea but fuck it. I'm definitely on a livable level and it's been a beautiful day and I'm going to hang my hat on that.

Here's Missy, sitting on a sturdier basket, back in the pump house.


I found her back in there today, just sitting on the bare shelf and took pity on her and found her that basket and set her in it but bless her heart, she cannot spend the night in the pump house where any coon or possum can snatch her and I feel that the next few days are going to be difficult with that little hen. We shall see where this leads. 

We shall see where it all leads, won't we? 

Ever Yours...Ms. Moon

Story Time

Still coolish and Miss Missy's trying to go broody, wouldn't get off the little basket in the pump house where she was trying to set last night to go roost with the others so Mr. Moon carried the little basket into the hen house with her in it but this morning the basket was tipped, the egg fallen out onto the hay and Mean Meany McMe grabbed the egg and Missy is now sitting in the corner on the ground where I guess she feels cozy and oh- what a process, the laying, the setting the hatching. We shall see. We shall see. Not even sure these eggs are fertile but oh strong the instinct must be to raise new babies.

Going back to town today and Lily and I are going shopping for food by ourselves, no children at all, and you'd think we were going to go get cocktails, manicures, pedicures and massages, as excited as we are about this. But no. Trader Joe's and Costco. Many women will understand this.
After that we are probably going to pick up the boys and go to Owen's favorite restaurant where he can get miso soup and noodles. The restaurant which has the COMFIEST COUCH IN THE WORLD in the bar area which he and I always sit on and sigh and say, "What a comfy couch!" and they have lolly pops at the cash register.

This is life, this is how it rolls sometimes, if you are lucky and here comes Maurice and she woke up Mr. Moon one hour before he had to get up and he is probably not happy with her right now. She had access to her food and there was food in the bowl and yet, she wanted him to come out and be with her while she ate and oh boy. I'm going to hear about this.

Yesterday at the Goodwill, the little girl who was checking me out grimaced as she leaned over to pick up paper to wrap my plates and I said, "What's wrong?" and she said, "Oh, it's a long story. Here. I'll tell you while I wrap your dishes," and I said, "Okay," and leaned against the counter and listened to her story and it involved her baby girl and the Air Force and apartments she wishes she lived in and isn't that why we're all here? To listen to each other stories?

I think so today.

You can tell me yours.

Love...Ms. Moon

P.S.
Here's a poem that my friend L7 shared on the Facebook this morning and I am sharing it with you because it is perfect.

MANIFESTO: THE MAD FARMER LIBERATION FRONT
By Wendell Berry
Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which I stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotten into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to the carrion—put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is highest in your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Not Exactly Raising The Bar Here, Am I?



I got my hair trimmed. There's no need for a picture because it looks exactly the same only two inches shorter. The best part was talking to Melissa. 
You know how some people are just GOOD people? Well, that's Melissa. You meet her and you know you love her. Same with her husband. Someone, I am not saying who, in speaking about them said, "I sort of want to make out with both of them."
Someone, I am not saying who, understands completely. Metaphorically, you understand. 

Besides getting my hair trimmed I also got a new filter for my coffee pot- the gold kind you can wash over and over again. And a new pair of men's shorts at the Old Navy (40% off) and a tank top. My summer wardrobe is finally complete. I went to a different Goodwill. I didn't find any pillows I liked and not one dress even worthy of contemplation but I did find four plates, one of which is above. With matching saucers. I like pretty plates. I like different plates. I have plates of many designs and sizes. Ah! So exciting. 
Well. Yes. 

And I bought the cat her flea and tick treatment pills and I have now completely wasted one by crushing it and mixing it with yogurt which she loves when she's eating what's left from a container after I've eaten all I want and have given it to her. Of course then I scrambled a tiny egg in butter WITH cheese and mixed THAT with the yogurt and pill and she won't touch it. 
I'm done. That's eighteen bucks down the drain and I need to just get rude and shove one down her throat. 
Oh, Maurice. 
This is a cat who will not eat cooked chicken. She's an odd one. 

I also went to Whole Foods and bought: Bananas, one apple, one avocado, and some tomatoes. That cost about a hundred dollars. You can buy four collard leaves there for $2.99. 
Haha! Not me, motherfuckers. 

AND, on top of all of that, I've got four pieces of mail ready to send which I have been needing to send and for some reason, sending mail is right up there at the top of my neurosis list so that is a VERY BIG DEAL.

I'm so crazy. I feel like I've cracked the damn Bible Code or something. Because I got my hair trimmed and bought flea treatment. And addressed envelopes. 

Maybe before the day is over, I'll have done a load of laundry too. 
Wouldn't hold my breath. 

We shall see what wonderments I am able to accomplish tomorrow. 





A Morning Report

Another beautiful day here, maybe not exactly crisp but at least not sodden with so much humidity that the air presses down on you with unrelenting steamy pressure. Change is good but I'm not dealing well with it right now. I can feel the slow rise of anxiety coming upon me. The vague and indeterminate pains, first here, now there which seem to foretell suffering and death. The constant burr of worry under the saddle of my brain. The feeling that I should be doing something, something...what? That I should be doing more, loving more, making more of what I have. The paralysis which keeps me from doing anything, almost.
Almost.
I did text my sweet friend Melissa this morning to ask if she could rid me of some hair. Two-thirty she had open. I will be there.
I took a walk. A good one. Step, step, choose your step through sand, through grass, down path, through woods, through the shade and the sun, push on, push on, push on and just keep going.
I can do that. Push myself until I am sweat-soaked, my feet are on automatic, I don't feel any of it, just the occasional hip pain when it spikes.
Not really feeling it.

I want to flay myself open to wrap more fully around the ones I love. Does this make sense?
No. To make of myself a skin, a barrier to all pain and suffering.
Not possible.

A little too dramatic.

Not very practical, either.

Perhaps it's all just the slight sweet change in the air. The reminder that time is passing. Oh! How it passes! Again and again, the seasons change and change again and it becomes a whirl and you can believe truly and really that the earth is spinning and traveling and hurtling through space and we with it and our lives, so short, and when this depression/anxiety/what-the-fuckedness comes upon me I remember all the good, the happy, the fabulous, the joy as well as the hard, hard, hard, and why does it feel as if only the hard is left? That I have eaten every bit of the sweet and only the bitter husk remains but of course that is not true, not true at all and depression and anxiety and what-the-fuckedness are liars, they lie. What do liars do? They lie. 

Lily asked me the other day if it was weird not having the dogs here.
"No," I said. "It feels normal now. Like all those years of having them was weird."
True.
I don't miss them one bit. I can leave doors open all over the house without worrying that they'll find their way into distant rooms and won't be able to get out and will pee and shit in them. Leave the gates open so that the chickens can come and weed the back yard fifteen feet from where I sit.


They make their way into this space cautiously, Elvis keeping good watch, Trixie sings her pretty little song.


A crooning three-notes which are hers and hers alone. She no more sings it for me than she sings it for any of us. She sings it for herself but I am the recipient of the sweetness of it. As I am the recipient of Maurice's tolerance as she allows me to pet her head in the night when my husband sleeps beside me and only we two, cat and human, are awake to think in the night. 

I am the recipient of so much sweetness. So much of it pure blessing, undeserved and even unasked for. Who in this would would think to ask for the sweet soothing song of a hen as she scratches in the fire spike behind the porch? And I certainly never asked for the cat who showed up, drawn by what? Light? Laughter? The smell of venison cooking, most likely. 

And those dogs, they were not part of any of this and I served them as best I could but always out of duty, never love, and no, I do not miss them but even as I say that, I know that their passing was part of change and change is so hard for me, even the good, grandest kind, even the so very subtle announcement of the changing of the season and perhaps as we grow older, each return to this season, to that, brings back this time of year for all of the years and the weight of all that which has happened grows so heavy upon the soul sometimes. 

Well. These are the thoughts and the feelings in my heart this morning. It'll all be okay and I'm glad I'm going to go see Melissa. You have to walk through a cupcake bakery to get to her little salon and what could be more cheering (besides seeing Melissa herself) than to walk through a space with the smells of sugar and almonds and vanilla and chocolate and all good things, so very nice and delicious you don't even have to taste them to enjoy them and also the sight of them, such perky little edible works of art?

Yes. It will all be okay and even as I feel it may not, I have these moments, right here, which are far better than okay and I am as cognizant of that truth as I am aware of the illusion of sadness. 
Or perhaps, as the Buddhists say, it is ALL illusion. 

Well. There is illusion and there is delusion. 

I will try to balance them out. I will try to realize the difference. 

Much love...Ms. Moon








Monday, August 25, 2014

A Day In Which It's Perfectly Believable That We Create Our Own Reality And I'm Too Tired To Create Much Of Anything

And suddenly, just like that, the weather has changed. I suppose there's some sort of cold front happening somewhere north of here but overnight the air got a little dryer, a little cooler, the light has taken on a different hue and scatters off the leaves as a stiff breeze blows the first ones off the trees. It is the fulfillment of the prophecy I made the other day when I said that one of these mornings I would wake up and by the slant of the light, the feel of the air, would know that autumn is coming.

A shock every year.

It sounds different. I swear, as if the cricket song is traveling through a different atmosphere. And I suppose it is.

I took my walk and there's still plenty of heat- I am sweated through. I have got to get my hair trimmed. It's doing no one any good, hanging limp and lank down to my waist as I brush it out every morning and then twist it up into a bun on the back of my head to keep it out of my way as I go through my day. I need to do that and go to the other dentist to further discuss this hole where my tooth was.
Sigh.
I need to just get this over with and do not have the heart today to do any of it. I mean, I feel fine, I just don't feel like interacting with the world on any sort of real level today. I should probably have a life which forces me to do so but I am so grateful I don't.

We watched Dallas Buyer's Club last night. Mr. Moon had never seen it and I wanted to watch it with him and it was hard to bear, even the second time around. Matthew McConaughey's eyes, his face, that face freed of almost all its flesh so that the eyes are huge and the way he uses them in that role...
And Jared Leto stunned me again with his performance.
So many parallels between the fight for drugs that actually helped with AIDS and the fight now for drugs that actually help with epilepsy and how the people sometimes have to take things into their own hands, fight the FDA and Big Pharma to bring the truth to light, to do the hard work of research, trial and effort- all there in that movie.

Anyway, you can't watch that movie and not have the ghost of it drift around you for a day or two. I feel strangely disassociated from this beautiful day and I don't like the way it feels. What to do but move on through it?

And so I guess I shall although part of me would be completely content to go back to bed, to fall into a dream-sleep which is what I feel as if I'm in now anyway.

Weird.


Sunday, August 24, 2014

And My World Is Even Richer

Ay-yi-yi! Twenty hours with my boys by myself and we all lived! I am so proud of myself. And of them. They were good boys. Well, okay, Gibson didn't go to sleep until around midnight and then he woke up at three and wanted to snuggle which would be lovely and fine if every time I drifted off again, holding him all sweet and cuddly and warm and good in my arms, he didn't take it upon himself to stretch his legs, thus stabbing me in the thigh with his toenails, or decide he wanted to stroke my arms or my face or to suddenly ask, "Where Maurice?" Finally I got smart enough to move him over on the bed and retreat to my side, Maurice on the other side of me, and by four we were all fast asleep again.

Owen woke up first and I got up with him and then eventually Gibson got up and his first words were, "Where Owen?" and then Owen came in to greet him and they hugged and can I just say that my grandsons are the sweetest brothers? Because they really are.

I made pancakes and bacon and I'm not sure why I made the pancakes because all they really wanted was the bacon but the chickens were quite appreciative of the banana/peach/ buttermilk pancakes, especially already cut up with butter and syrup. It was 97 degrees here today on the kitchen porch, which is in the shade and also a bit buggy so our time outside was limited and yes, they watched too many cartoons and Owen played too many games on the iPad but we did read some books and we did draw and write with feather quills dipped in food-coloring (nothing can go wrong with that plan, right?) and it was fine.


When the boys got here yesterday, Gibson immediately asked where Dolly and Buster were. Owen wasn't in the room. I got down on his level and said in my saddest voice, "Oh honey. They are gone."
End of discussion. He went on to the next thing.
Owen never even thought about the dogs until this afternoon when we were going out to feed the goats some carrots and gather the eggs. I left the gate open that we have always kept closed to prevent the dogs from escaping and Owen went to close it. "You don't have to do that," I said. And then thought to myself, whoops!
"Why not?" he asked me, his smart-beyond-his-years eyes looking straight into mine.
I paused.
"Dolly and Buster are gone," I said. Hey! It worked with Gibson.
"Where?" he asked. Of course.
"Well, honey, they're dead. You know how old they were."
"Yeah," he said. "But where are they now?"
And I showed him the grave and he tried to determine which side Dolly was on and which side Buster was on and after that, as we were walking over to the goat pen I asked him if he was sad.
"Not really," he said. "They were boring. And stinky."
So that was pretty much that although we did talk about the fact that his great-grandfather had died recently and also Mr. Peep and Muley and Drogo. Then he and Gibson fed carrots to the goats and Owen climbed a tree up so high it sort of made my heart stop. He thinks he's Tarzan these days.


"I can't get down," he said. 
"Oh really?" I asked. 
And then he figured it out. He reached over and grabbed the skinny trunk of a tree next to him and slid down it. 


This delighted him so much that he did it three more times and then we found seven nice eggs. 

So it was a good time and their mama came and got them and Owen gave me a quick massage and a phlox bloom and he told me he loved me and Gibson kissed me and they went home. 

But now I want to talk about something else. I want to talk about Brittany Tuttle's self-published novel Angel Food. 


I'm not even sure how Brittany became part of our blog-community but I am so glad she did. I knew, from reading her blog, Vesuvius At Home, that she was an amazing writer. But you know, sometimes amazing blog-writing doesn't translate to novel writing. I mean... it can but it doesn't always. I'd read her Shebooks novel, Stone and Spring, and I was intrigued. I didn't feel that the Shebooks limited page format gave the book a fair shake, so I was really interested in reading Angel Food to see where she could go with more pages, more time to develop a story. 

I ordered it from Amazon the day it came out and it took like two weeks for it to arrive. Every day I went to the post office thinking, today's the day, until finally, it was. I was in the middle of reading a library book but it was just short stories so I set that aside and started it. 
And fell in love. 
I haven't read a book with such an original storyline in forever. And her characters! Oh my god. I fell in love with every one of them! In my review that I wrote for  Amazon, I compared Brittany's voice to Tom Robbins', Matt Haig's, and Neil Gaiman's. Also, as other reviewers had said, Quentin Tarantino's. 
But you know what? Nah. It's all Brittany. HER voice; her own incredibly unique and talented voice. 

I'd say I was gobsmacked but honestly, I knew she was that good of a writer. 

Last night, after Gibson finally fell asleep and I got him transferred to his bed and I'd taken my shower and curled up all cozy in the bed with Maurice, I picked up the book and finished it, straight through to the end, even though I was tired and knew that I was probably going to be woken up by a two-year old as soon as I fell asleep, I just couldn't stop myself from reading the last few chapters. And when I had, I set it down on the bed beside me and I thought, "Oh shit. There has GOT to be a sequel."

When was the last time you thought that when you finished a book? 

So. Okay. Enough. If you haven't already, order the book. 
Unwrap  it, hold it in your hands- a real book. With a great cover. 
Go pee, get an apple if you want an apple, a cup of tea or coffee, get comfy, settle down. Open it up. 
Start reading. Enter another world created by the mind of another human being. 
Isn't that why we read? 

Mr. Moon's home. There's a chicken in the oven and brown rice and spinach on the stove. It's been a real good weekend.

Love...Ms. Moon







Good Morning From Lloyd

video

Saturday, August 23, 2014

There Will Probably Be Pancakes In The Morning


Two boys, here for the night. One of them fast asleep now, one watching Tarzan in a very sleepy way but not asleep yet.

Best thing Owen said to me tonight: "I love you, my sweet old Mer."
And I said to him, "I love you, my sweet young Owen."

And oh, how I do love him and his cuddly, funny, brother. With all my heart.

But you knew that.


Not Exactly Newsworthy, Mostly

Good morning! Although it's almost noon.
No, no. I've been awake for hours. HOURS! I've even eaten my brunch! Which was what was left of my turkey panini from yesterday's lunch and let's just hope that the five hours it sat in a broiling hot car did it no harm.
Probably not five hours. Probably like three.
It tasted fine.

Okay. A few things I'd like to discuss. For no apparent reason.

1. Facebook. Why? And when I ask why, I mean...why do I personally spend so much time there? Do I give a shit what your hippie name is, which super hero you are or what your distant cousin's dog looks like?
Obviously I must.

2. "Paying it forward." Specifically at Starbucks. (And of course I found this on Facebook although it's on Huffpost which I also spend too much time on.) Here's the link. 
I mean...what's the point? It's like a cluster fuck of people feeling good about buying someone else's coffee and letting someone else buy theirs. How is this helpful? What if all I want is a plain cup of coffee and the guy after me wants a Mocha-Latte-Soy-Three-Extra-Shots-Of-Espresso-With-Whipped-Cream and a five dollar muffin? How's that work?
I love the part in the article where it said the paying-it-forward streak ended when a customer insisted on just paying for her own coffee. Haha!
This reminds me of the time a bunch of us hippies were in someone's apartment and we had like half a bottle of rot-gut red wine and we were all sitting in a circle and one of the hippiest hippies (I think she was the first person I ever heard tell someone that their aura looked dark) said, "Let's pass it around and see how long we can make it last!" in that hippie, chirpy voice. The bottle got to a big ol' cello-player guy who was a neighbor of mine who liked to do acid and play cello all night long. He took the bottle, drained it, and said, "I lose!"

3. Why are we so obsessed with what substances may have been in Robin William's body when he died? Okay, I get the fact that they probably, by law, had to do a toxicology screen. Maybe? I don't know. But we, the public, have no right to know and no need to know and I wish they'd shut up about it. Nothing is going to change the reality of the fact that he took his life and we are never really going to know why and that's all there is to it. To think that there may be a simple and understandable explanation as to why anyone takes their own life is to disrespect and disregard the incredibly complex nature of the human mind, individual lives, and individual circumstances. And about a million other factors. The whole substance issue is just one tiny part of it and it ain't my business.

4. This.


I really have nothing to say about the product within the bottle. It's the bottle I'd like to discuss. Is it possible they've finally designed a spray bottle that actually and truly works? It would seem so to me after using it. For some reason, I find this revolutionary. Why hasn't there been more media attention paid to this? 

5. My hen, Miss Trixie. She has the sweetest little song. It almost sounds like the first notes of Beethoven's Fifth except that instead of Da-Da-Da-DA it goes Da-Da-DA. 
Know what I mean? Maybe I'll get a video one of these days. 

6. Why, when cats meow to be let in or out and you open the door do they look at you like, "Why are you opening the door?" And then spend about thirty seconds deciding if they do actually want to go through the door. Yes. I know. This is not a very original observation. 

7. Why does coconut oil Pam cost so much more than regular or olive oil Pam? 



And why in hell did I buy it? And why did I buy coconut oil Pam and forget buttermilk? And laundry detergent? 

8. Why are dog-shaming pictures so funny? 



They're probably funny to me because I don't have dogs any more. I will gladly laugh at yours, though. 

9. One of my favorite pictures ever.

No discussion needed here. 

10. Damn. I've wasted half my day. So what? I guess I should go clean a room or water some plants or something. It's hot. Real hot. I'm not planning on making any sudden moves. That's pretty much my plan for the day.

Anything on your mind you'd like to discuss? I'd like to hear about it if there is. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Friday, August 22, 2014

This Entails More Time Than Anyone Wants To Spend On One Site On The Internet

Where to begin?
Well, I drove to the New Leaf where Billy works. He is looking spectacular these days. He was wearing a vintage cowboy shirt and his beard is curly and so is his hair and we hugged tighter than ticks. We talked for as long as we could, seeing he was at work and all. And then I went and picked out my supplements and I'm going to try Magnesium again and also Turmeric which seems to be the current cure-all for everything from inflammation to depression. Why not? I also got my L-Tryptophan and some Vitamin D3 and when I went to check out, it all came to over a hundred dollars.
I looked at the guy behind the cash register and said, "This shit better work."
He did not blink an eye. He did not crack the tiniest smile. He just looked at me and said, "Have a nice day."
What? It's the New Leaf! Everyone there, workers and customers alike are old hippies, young hippies, hipsters, hip Brothers and Sisters, hip State Workers...you know. Hip people. More tattoos than you'd find in the circus. Pierced everything anywhere. People of every gender and possibility therein.
Jesus, man. Lighten up! I didn't say, "This motherfucking shit better fucking work."
I was being a lady.

Whatever.

I drove to Fanny's where I met Hank for lunch. He's in the middle of planning the fourth annual Gaines Street Fest which is going to be huge this year. 97 damn bands! What? What? Gaines Street is sort of Tallahassee's...how do you say?...totally exploding hippest area? (I'm overusing that word, aren't I?)
Anyway, he's busy as a one-legged tap dancer these days between the festival and his trivia. And since we ate late, there wasn't much going on and May got to sit and talk with us and it was wonderful.
Now. Let me say that this was about the best thing I ever tasted in my life.


White gazpacho. Taylor made it and I'm going to get the recipe or know the reason why. I think Kathleen would love it. This stuff made my taste buds stand up and sing Hallelujah! It made my tongue dance the Macarena. Like this.




I told you there'd be music at the party tonight.

Anyway, yeah. That gazpacho was the food-version of that video.

Then I got this.


A turkey panini with bacon and avocado and I don't even know what all. Half of it is in my refrigerator right now. And see that salad? 
Kale! 
Yes. 
Kale. 
Uh-huh. And I ate it. 
Also notice the pickled okra and the deviled egg. I ate those too. 
When I eat delicious food that someone else has cooked, I always think of a scene from The Magic Christian, a movie, which in my opinion, was one of the best movies ever made. 
Here's the scene if you have four minutes to watch it which I know is a ridiculous amount of time to watch a clip. The last few seconds are the best. Sorry. 




Peter Sellers. Ringo Starr. Raquel Welch. John Cleese. And I'm pretty darn sure that John and Yoko made a cameo appearance in there too. Nobody would have the balls to make a movie like this these days which is too bad, too sad for all of us.

After lunch I went to the Goodwill. The one I went to had an aisle as long as a football field with Christmas crap. I have no idea what that's about. But I am not kidding you. They also had this:


It's a scarf. The picture doesn't do justice to the snotty green polyesterness of it. Every time I go to a Goodwill, I make it a mission to find the ugliest, tackiest item there. This one may not have been the ugliest OR tackiest item there, but it was the ugliest and tackiest item I personally saw.

This Goodwill is as big as the African Veldt. You could get lost with a GPS and a native guide in that place but I went directly to where the pillows are and picked out exactly one. Hey! I'm discriminating! Then I spent about two hours looking through the dresses. I got a nice Flax dress (linen, comfortable), a brand-new Bila dress (hippie, made in India), a completely awesome homemade apron, circa 1958, two white bathroom rugs (also made in India), and the pillow which was probably also made in India and Oh! And a silk scarf with fringe, also...made in India.

On to the library where they were having early voting. Libraries and voting are like my two favorite things about civilization after indoor plumbing so that was uplifting and swell. But on my way to the library, I stopped to take a picture of the house I wrote about here. 



I know- you can't even see it for the trees. And the trees blocking the view? I planted those trees. 
Anyway, that's the house. 

THEN, I went to Publix where I bought salmon and LeSueur peas (don't you judge me) for my supper. And a bunch of other stuff including organic peaches and toilet paper and cucumbers and fresh dill and mangos and a cheese pizza for the boys tomorrow night and milk and oh, hell. I forgot the buttermilk. Dammit.
Life will go on.

Came home, put everything away, washed dishes, started laundry, fed grapes to the chickens.
Elvis.
Damn I love that rooster. He's tidbitting to all of the young hens as well as the old. For those of you who do not know what tidbitting is, it's a thing roosters do when you give them food. They accept it and then drop it for one of the hens. Or, let her eat it directly from his beak.
I made sure he got a few pieces for himself.
I collected seven beautiful eggs.
I came in and ripped down the red velvet curtains which have been hanging in the dining room window forever. I got them from a neighbor who was about to throw them out and they have been lovely but I am done with them. I hung up the made-in-India scarf instead. Here's a picture of that.


I like the picture picture because it also shows the back porch. And Maurice. That window and the one in my bedroom are the only two original windows in the house. Or so I've been told. They are certainly the oldest.

That back porch- that's the place I imagine all of us sitting together, laughing and reaching out to each other and drinking beverages and so forth. Hey- I just watched this on the youtube (thank you, Angie D) and I'd like to share it with all of you-  Old ladies and young. Fellows who might love the fellows. Ladies who love ladies but can't help loving Bruce. Even you, Billy. I know you hate him. And you too, L7. Haters gonna hate.



I got seven pictures of Buddha
The prophet's on my tongue
Eleven angels of mercy
Sighin' over that black hole in the sun
My heart's dark but it's risin'
I'm pullin' all the faith I can see
From that black hole on the horizon
I hear your voice calling me

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Tell me how do we get this thing started
Meet me at Mary's place

Familiar faces around me
Laughter fills the air
Your loving grace surrounds me
Everybody's here
Furniture's out on the front porch
Music's up loud
I dream of you in my arms
I lose myself in the crowd

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Tell me how do you live broken-hearted
Meet me at Mary's place

I got a picture of you in my locket
I keep it close to my heart
A light shining in my breast
Leading me through the dark
Seven days, seven candles
In my window light your way
Your favorite record's on the turntable
I drop the needle and pray
Band's countin' out midnight
Floor's rumblin' loud
Singer's callin' up daylight
And waitin' for that shout from the crowd
Waitin' for that shout from the crowd
Waitin' for that shout from the crowd
Waitin' for that shout from the crowd
Waitin' for that shout from the crowd
Waitin' for that shout from the crowd

Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up
Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, turn it up

Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party
Tell me how do we get this thing started
Meet me at Mary's place

Meet me at Mary's place
Meet me at Mary's place


Well, if you're here with me- let's go tuck the chickens up. Let's go heat the skillet for the salmon. Let's go drop the needle and pray, drop the needle and pray. Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, turn it up!

And so forth.

Oh wait. Didn't I promise you the Rolling Stones? Let's make it a slumber party. And spend the night together.
Wanna dance?

Love...Ms. Moon

Friday Bla-Bla-Bla

Mr. Moon is packing to go up to his hunting camp for the weekend and I am NOT talking a walk today. I'm just not going to do it. I slept so hard last night and I finally feel almost human and it's already too hot out there and okay, there are a million excuses but the bottom line is...no. Not today.

I am hopefully going to spend at least two days taking care of me.
Selfish?
Well, yes. Thank-you.

The dogs are gone. This is a fact. I don't have to worry about them any more, not one bit, done, done, done. No shit, no pee, no puke. No blind animals staggering into walls. Unless I get really drunk, of course.
Haha! Just kidding.
Maybe.

I think today I am going to town to the library, have lunch with Hank, go to Publix, and Goodwill. I need new couch pillows and no, it's not disgusting to buy them at Goodwill. I've bought beautiful feather, silk-covered gorgeous pillows at Goodwill that probably retail for close to a hundred bucks for a few dollars because someone decided to change their decor and I bring them home and wash them and they are lovely. I will probably buy salmon at Publix- my meal to make when Mr. Moon is out of town because he is not so fond of it but I am.

The chickens and Maurice and I shall all take care of each other. Maurice has been lovely lately. The last two nights she has suffered my hand on her fur for a long, long time. No, I don't really think she knows I need comfort, but she has given it, anyway. She is beginning to purr at times.  I was texting a friend last night who also has cats and we agreed that all cats are insane but that we love ours anyway. I suggested that it's because they are soft AND creepy, which is interesting. Not quite unlike chickens who are anciently domesticated birds who give us eggs and who are the direct descendants of dinosaurs which, if you look carefully, you can see perfectly well in their feet and their walk and their stance.

Here's Maurice this morning.


She is an undemanding and mostly-sweet companion. She jumps up on the table where I am writing, comes right to me, bows her head to me and when I kiss it, she raises up as if to say, "Hey! Boundaries!" and then she wanders off to groom and nap a few feet away.

I dreamed this morning of my dear, dear friend Terry whom I met in nursing school, then woke up to find an e-mail from her. For those of you who do not read her blog, I give you the link because she is wise and wonderful and funny and reverent and irreverent. And a damn fine writer.  Here. 

Well, that's about it from Lloyd this morning. Mr. Moon is so happy not to have a deadline for the day, to be able to sort and pack and mess around with the truck and the trailer. It makes my heart happy to see him so. He has been working too hard. It is supposed to be brutally hot and humid for the next few days and so I shall be moving slowly. The boys will be coming tomorrow night to sleep here and then I will take care of them on Sunday. Lily and Jason both open on Sunday morning and it's ridiculous to have to get them up and bring them out here before the sun even thinks of rising. So- Saturday night slumber party, Sunday morning pancakes is probably the agenda there.

It's Friday. Do something nice for yourself, okay? And then let's all get together to chat about it. Tonight? Back porch? BYOB. I'll provide the ambiance and snacks and music.
Hope you like the Rolling Stones.

Love...Ms. Moon





Thursday, August 21, 2014

Letting Go Can Be The Opposite Of Giving Up

I read Kathleen's blog post this morning and it really struck me how truly relieved she is.

"Knowing that I can just live out the rest of my life without the pressure of numbers or blood draws. I am just me again."

It hadn't really struck me before of what a huge pressure it was on her to continue trying treatment and mostly for the ones who love her, who were praying for that miracle, who were cheering her on to "keep fighting" when she never once wanted to fight. Fighting isn't what Kathleen is about. And you can call it just a matter of semantics but in this case, I don't think so. And she has not given up on life. Not one bit. She just wants to live it in her own way, at her own time, as her own genuine self.

When I went over to her house today to take her some beans and rice and cornbread, she looked positively joyful. As if a huge weight had been lifted off her soul. There is nothing she's responsible for anymore except for just...being. She's not responsible for getting those numbers up high enough for another treatment. She's not responsible for reassuring people that she's fine. She's not responsible for keeping the appointments straight and getting up and going to them, sitting in waiting rooms, exam rooms, being scanned and drinking radioactive liquid. I can't even imagine all of the things she's been carrying which she can now simply let drop so that she can live her life.

She ate some beans and rice and obviously enjoyed them so much. I don't cook my pinto beans with one thing except a little oil and salt and that's how I'd made them today. Simple, simple, simple. While I was there, she opened an audio file that Lon and Lis sent her. She had asked them to record a lullaby that she wrote twenty years ago and they did and I felt so lucky to be there with her while she listened to it the first time. It was absolutely gorgeous and Kathleen may have risen up off the bed with the joy of hearing it. She was floating. She was smiling as big as the world. The room, already filled with sunlight, became even more so.

Yes. The beauty of just letting go. I saw the proof of that today. And we talked about how she sort of wishes she'd just stopped treatment when the first drug quit working but then she said that no, if she'd done that, she never could have heard that song, never could have moved into her beautiful new house. And I reminded her that if she'd stopped then, she might have wondered if she'd done the right thing whereas now, there is no question that she has made the right decision.

And she's not going anywhere quite yet. Trust me. And while we are all here, I surely would like to learn more from her about the Big Things. Like...letting go when it's time. There are so many ways to do that, so many things we all carry around that are not really ours to carry and all we're doing is hurting ourselves, wearing ourselves out in ways that prevent us from yes, just being who we are. Who we could be. Who we probably should be to live our own genuine lives.

Well, that's what I have to say this evening.
Thank all of you for all of your comments, for you sweetness and kindness. I literally don't know what I'd do without this part of my life. I don't want to even think about that.

All right. Let's all be tender with yourselves, okay?

Much love...Ms. Moon